Any person has found himself in a difficult situation of grief, failure or loss in his life. Everyone knows the feeling of confusion, despair and hopelessness, the feeling of one’s own inferiority. Some people know how to quickly cope with such a condition and rebuild, some succeed over time, and some are “knocked out of the saddle” for a very long time, if not forever, consider themselves losers, broken by fate or circumstances, stop acting, living a full life , go into illness or binge drinking, and maybe into depression. What to do?

Despair is one of the deadly sins. This means that you should not give in to panic, indulge in decadent moods, despair, lose hope and fall into the blues. It is very easy to proclaim, but very difficult to do. Let's try to figure out how not to give in to despair and how to overcome despondency. Maybe, after all, there are some ways to fight and overcome this difficult mental state.

1. Believe in yourself and your strengths

It means knowing that you can endure and overcome a lot. Know that a lot depends on you and you are not just a “cog”. If it doesn't work out the first time, it will work out the next time.

2. Soberly, honestly (to yourself) and realistically assess your capabilities and abilities

This means being aware of the level of your knowledge and skills, understanding that someone can be better than you. A balanced assessment will allow you to avoid disappointment and trouble, unnecessary and wasted effort. But is anyone stopping us from becoming better, stronger, wiser, more professional? Nobody but ourselves.

3. Calm analysis of the situation

It is necessary to calmly, without emotions, evaluate the unsuccessful experience and understand what was done wrong: perhaps there was not enough effort, or perhaps, on the contrary, too much. Analyzing the situation will give you peace of mind; only in a balanced state can you find a constructive solution. And a calm, even state is no longer melancholy.

4. Learn a lesson

This means understanding that failure is a precursor to victory, and everyone has failures, but not everyone views failure as a failure. It's just an EXPERIENCE. Tolerating failure releases success. It is necessary to develop the habit of taking advantage of failure; this is one of the most important techniques for achieving success.

5. Get support – moral and professional

This means turning to loved ones for help - family, friends. And/or contact specialists - doctors, teachers, psychologists, spiritual teachers. Support and assistance from loved ones difficult situations necessary for everyone. But, if you have asked for help very often and have exhausted the trust of relatives and friends, then a difficult situation is just the case when you can take control of your destiny into your own hands.

6. Look for the positive in what happened.

It is a known fact that as a result of the crisis, one very wealthy businessman lost $100 million. He ONLY had 100 thousand dollars left. He committed suicide. The loss of money was the loss of everything for him, even worse than the loss of life.

And now let’s imagine an average citizen who didn’t have a ruble and suddenly had 100 thousand dollars! A lot of money! It turns out that this is from which point of view to look at. We remained alive and well, everything is fine in the family - the rest can be survived and overcome.

7. Do not break laws - state and moral

This will make it possible to live in harmony with yourself and with others, and will not lead to difficult and dangerous (and perhaps irreparable) situations.

8. Distraction

Remember what Scarlett O'Hara said? “I’ll think about it tomorrow...” An intractable, or maybe completely insoluble situation is not the whole of life, it’s only a part, albeit a very painful one. There should be a lot in life that “keeps you afloat”. These are love, friendship, religion, nature, art (literature, painting, music, etc.), sports, hobbies. Find an activity that will distract you from heavy thoughts, or just do something else. This could be general cleaning, repairs, something that will take all your energy and time. It’s not for nothing that people say that the morning is wiser than the evening.

Just don’t go into alcohol and other similar pleasures. This will only drive the problem deep, from where it will be difficult to get it out, and it will also add to the moral and physical hangover.

9. Avoid negative emotions, especially guilt and shame

These emotions are not helpful in solving difficult life problems. Negative emotions interfere with the full functioning of the brain; with them it is impossible to make the right decision at the moment. And the saddest thing is that negative emotions are the basis for the emergence of various addictions, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, etc.

10. Take responsibility into your own hands

Taking responsibility means understanding that only you yourself are responsible for your life, its quality, personal achievements, and not shifting the blame to colleagues, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. If you did something wrong, then try to correct the situation in word and deed - apologize, talk and explain your position, help fix what you messed up.

11. Smile!

If you feel very bad at heart, try to smile and even forcefully stretch your lips into a smile. The body remembers that this position of the lips corresponds good mood, and, surprisingly, your mood will begin to level out and even (!) improve. Tension, emotional and physical, will begin to subside, and the situation will no longer seem so insoluble or tragic.

Failures that haunt us can develop a fear of failure and a strategy for avoiding failure. This means that a person will not strive to achieve success, but will refuse active actions and try with all his might to avoid failure. The worst news is that no one can help you overcome this fear. But the best news is that everything is in our hands. We have a choice: either we grow huge weeds of fear or we can sow the seeds of faith in ourselves and our strengths. Good luck!

Sometimes in his life a person is faced with difficult circumstances that require incredible perseverance from him. So how not to lose heart in such situations? It is this question that Grekova tries to answer in the text proposed for analysis.

To do this, the author tells us about Kira Petrovna, a girl who did not break down even after a severe injury that made her disabled. After all, she found support in the person of another character, on whose example the author also reveals the problem posed.

He is Doctor Chagin, a man who also became crippled and, worst of all, lost his family in the war. Despite everything, he did not lower his head and found his meaning in life in serving people. He became a doctor.

One cannot but agree with Grekova. A person in difficult life situations simply needs moral support and something for which he continues to live.

Many writers at all times have tried to answer this question. One of them was Mikhail Sholokhov. In his story “The Fate of a Man,” he talks about Andrei Sokolov, a man who did not break even in the harsh conditions of war.

He went through a lot; he was captured by the Germans. The house where his family was was destroyed by a bomb. It seemed impossible to lose heart after this. But Andrei did not despair, did not lose his humanity. So he adopts an orphan boy and finds his purpose in giving him all his love.

This problem was also raised by Cecilia Ahern in her novel The Brand. In it, she talks about a seventeen-year-old teenage girl, Celestine, who lived in a society where sanctions were applied to people for moral transgressions and marks were placed on their skin. Misdemeanors also included helping those who were stigmatized. This is exactly what Celestine did: she helped a choking old man on the bus. Subsequently, the girl could avoid being branded: she only had to admit her guilt in court. But without changing her mind, she proudly announced that she did everything right. As a result, she became the first person in the history of the state to receive as many as six brands.

The incident was a strong blow for the girl. Many friends and acquaintances abandoned her, she was beaten by her own classmates, and insulted by passers-by. But she did not give up, finding support in the face of loving parents, and also defining a goal for herself: to fight for her rights, the rights of the stigmatized.

To summarize, we can say that when faced with difficult life situations, it is very important for a person to receive support from loved ones, to find a goal for himself, the implementation of which would help him cope with the hardships of life.

Updated: 2018-06-23

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Situations in life are different - simply unpleasant (when relatives unceremoniously move into your home for the whole summer), extremely inconvenient (the next inflation depreciates the savings for the whole year) or completely “out of the ordinary” (when we are suddenly informed that serious problems have been discovered with health, and you will have to follow the strict recommendations of doctors for a long time). It seems that everything is going down the drain - dreams of a relaxing vacation, buying desired things and in general... Confidence in our abilities disappears, and we want to be indignant at the entire Universe: “Why me?!.” The reaction, in general, is normal - but not useful for us. Is it possible to survive trouble and ultimately turn circumstances to your advantage?

How do we resist the inevitable?

Psychologists have long described four stages of accepting an event that diverges from our expectations or even causes severe psychological trauma. At first, it seems to a person that this is not happening to him, or that he is dreaming about what is happening. He then realizes the reality of events and becomes enraged. After this outbreak, a creative approach is activated: the person makes plans (often utopian) that can correct the situation. And finally, if nothing can be corrected, you have to accept what happened, having experienced a corresponding portion of negativity. In especially severe cases, such a scheme helps a person protect his psyche from a sharp blow, that is, each stage really performs an important function.

First phase - negation- this is both a defensive reaction and a check of the situation (what if false information was received, or the participants in the event change their minds?), and an attempt to look at what is happening from a different angle in order to find loopholes to get out of the situation at the last moment. Reluctance to believe is also a way to simply delay unpleasant experiences, which, if the body is unprepared, can lead to a “stroke” (heart attack, stroke, etc.) If no one suddenly reveals “on the first of April” or “you were filmed by a hidden camera,” the person has to return to reality, so to speak, with nothing - and the phase ends with a feeling of irritation.

The second phase allows you to throw out at least part of the accumulated negative energy into the environment (otherwise the body and psyche would be destroyed in no time). A person can react through strong emotions such as fear, guilt, etc. Many people (especially in the old days) were fixated on this particular phase: in order not to move to the stage when it really “hurts”, they can take revenge for years on those whom they consider guilty of what happened. As one of Brad Pitt's movie characters said, “only two things are inevitable in this world - death and taxes.” If the situation is still connected with living people, then the second phase ends with a feeling of hope and the feeling that he just needs to be found.

Third phase - struggle- performs one of two functions: if you are lucky, a person can find alternatives, make a response move and at least partially correct the results of an undesirable event; Well, if this fails, the struggle will at least help soften the blow and console your conscience with the thought “I did everything in my power.” People who get stuck in this phase for a long time and to no avail are prisoners of fantasy. They either endlessly replay the recent past in their heads and mentally correct the situation so that the unpleasant does not happen at all. As a result, you can practically move to a far-fetched parallel universe, where everything is rosy and cloudless - but, alas, this will not solve the problem. Others spend too long making plans on how to fix everything in reality - but never do anything. Those who do not stay at this stage eventually develop a feeling of hopelessness and despair.

Fourth phase - experiencing pain- perhaps the most difficult, but also the most rewarding of all. It helps you accept what happened and finally feel able to live and move on. But everything that has been said is relevant only for really serious situations, and what about minor troubles and events that we only perceive as a disaster - although in fact, due to a surge of emotions, we simply exaggerate their scale and significance. Maybe you can immediately skip to the third or fourth stage and save your nerves and time? It turns out that it is possible!

How to quickly accept the situation?

The less we worry about the current situation, the better for ourselves. We usually have two sources of energy at our disposal: normal and the so-called “second wind”. From the first, we calmly spend energy and just as calmly replenish it - for this it is enough to get enough sleep, consume enough calories, communicate with pleasant people. To spend reserve energy, you must first deplete the main reserves - but replenishing this source will not be easy or quick (like, say, oil). But if you do not return the borrowed energy, the consequences will be sad: the destruction of the body, which is working for wear and tear. Therefore, spending too much is not beneficial for any of us.

An active solution can be to unconditionally accept the situation: “Yes, this happened. It doesn’t matter what the plans were - from now on they change dramatically.” There is no need to worry or be passively inactive, being in a dead end. A philosophical view of the problem helps you find patience and direct your energy in the right direction. Okay, but how do you set yourself up for this type of thinking?

= A good place to start is to distance yourself emotionally from the situation. Imagine everything that happens in the form of a comic book: the characters are caricatures, and what is happening is both stupid and funny... After all, we laugh when in comedies people stumble and fall, making grimaces and rubbing the bruised area. So why not laugh at yourself?

= Mentally transport yourself to a time when all the troubles are behind you. Imagine how you remember them with laughter and a sense of relief, and then ironically tell your friends how it all ended. Pick up some barbs in advance that you can use to ridicule your offenders.

= Imagine the line of your destiny, stretching from birth to old age. Now think about what will be an unpleasant event on this long line? A tiny dot, or even nothing at all.

= “I was sad that I didn’t have shoes until I saw a man on the street who had no feet.” This wisdom says that everything is learned through comparison. Just think about people who found themselves in a similar, but even more difficult situation - and your experiences will seem ridiculous against their background.

= Whatever the picture of events, try to find “but” in it - some hidden benefit, opportunity, lesson for the future. There is no point in simply feeling sorry for yourself - try to analyze what happened and draw useful conclusions for yourself. Just imagine what could happen in the future - if you didn't know all this now?

= “What does not kill us makes us stronger,” said Nietzsche. Look at what happened as a strengthening of your personality and an opportunity to grow above yourself. After all, they also say that “we are not given more than we can bear.”

Before you start to panic and go to great lengths during the next emergency, re-read this article. Personally, it helps us to control ourselves and positively resolve any problems.

No. 1. Faith

You must believe in yourself and your strength. It means knowing that you can withstand and overcome a lot. Know that a lot depends on you, and you are not just a “cog”. If it doesn't work out the first time, it will work out the next time. They open to those who knock.

No. 2. Evaluate yourself soberly

Soberly, honestly (to yourself) and realistically assess your capabilities and abilities. This means: being aware of your own level of knowledge and skills, understanding that someone can be better. A balanced assessment will allow you to avoid disappointment and trouble, unnecessary and wasted effort. Although, is anyone stopping you from becoming better, stronger, wiser, more professional, and outwitting everyone?

No. 3. Calm analysis of the situation

It is necessary to calmly, without emotions, evaluate the unsuccessful experience and understand what was done wrong, or whether the efforts were not enough. Or maybe, on the contrary, it’s too much. Analyzing the situation will give you peace of mind, because only in a balanced state can a constructive solution be found. And a calm, even state is no longer melancholy and panic.

Source: depositphotos.com

No. 4. Learn a lesson

This means understanding that failure is a precursor to victory, and everyone has failures, but not everyone views failure as a failure. It's just an experience.

Tolerating failure releases success. It is necessary to develop the habit of taking advantage of failure; this is one of the most important ways to achieve success.

No. 5. Get support

Moral and professional support. Don’t be shy to ask for help from loved ones - family, friends. And/or contact specialists - doctors, teachers, psychologists, spiritual teachers. Everyone needs support and help from loved ones in difficult situations. But don’t go too far: frequent requests for help can exhaust your credibility. Instead of running again to cry into a woman’s skirt (or someone else’s), it’s better to flex your fists. See how it's done correctly:

No. 6. Look for the positive in what happened

It is a known fact that as a result of the crisis, one very wealthy businessman lost $100 million. He only had $100 thousand left. He committed suicide. The loss of money was the loss of everything for him, even worse than the loss of life.

• the relatives of the deceased ask not to disclose the name of the poor fellow

Now let’s imagine an average citizen who didn’t even have a hryvnia. And then “bang!” - and suddenly $100 thousand. So this is crazy money! You can live on them, almost humming. In general, look at situations from different angles, preferably positive ones.

No. 7. Don't break the laws

State and moral laws. This will give you the opportunity to live in harmony with yourself and with those around you, and will not lead to difficult and dangerous (and perhaps irreparable) situations.

July 19 marks 6 years since the death of Elder Arseny (Papachok; 1914-2011). He was a great confessor, one of the last great Romanian elders, a representative of the golden galaxy of Romanian elders of the twentieth century. All my long and beautiful life he sacrificed to Christ, for whom, from a young age, he suffered persecution and hardship, and was imprisoned. Elder Arseny teaches new generations of Orthodox believers about spiritual beauty and love for Christ, perseverance in faith, courage and fidelity.

Nothing is lost as long as faith still stands, the soul does not renounce and the head is able to rise!

A spiritual person can never say about himself that he is sinless. He sees himself as more sinful than others, yet he performs acts of repentance, travels to monasteries, etc. And this self-contempt can actually be true humility. But just don’t kill yourself to such an extent that there is no hope of salvation. If you despise yourself, then this is already a big victory. But you just need to despise yourself, without comparing with others. This is no longer good! This may turn out to be hidden pride: “I’m not at the level of so-and-so!” Why should I care about him? I am responsible for myself at the level I am at now.

I told you that there are big bowls and small bowls. But every cup, if it is full, is perfect. To the extent that you are, it will be exacted from you. According to the gifts that God has given you: that is, to one He is, to another three, and to the third ten. And he asked them to multiply them according to who received how much. And the most guilty of all turns out to be the careless one, who doesn’t even move. Who stands and waits for who knows what to happen.

There are Christians who do not need vain glory. But, nevertheless, when the temptation of vanity occurs, they see themselves defeated by this passion. If death finds them in such a state, can they have any hope of salvation?

You must have hope of salvation in any case! The question of them not having it is not even raised. There is no sin that cannot be forgiven. However, there is one huge danger - admitting oneself defeated even before death. After all, what can you do then? But you must have hope for salvation in any case! Even if you killed a thousand people, even if you were a monstrous scoundrel and committed only evil, there is forgiveness! The Savior would have forgiven Judas if he had asked for forgiveness!

- How to understand the word of the Savior: It would have been better if this person had not been born(Matthew 26:24)?

But since he was already born, now he has to suffer. The Holy Apostle Peter committed very great sins, denied Christ, but repented. He repented and was forgiven. There cannot but be forgiveness of sins. Therefore, you too should be full of hope. Whatever you do, don't lose heart. Just fight before you fall into sin! Because it's harder to get up when you know that you fell of your own free will.

We are responsible for those good deeds that we could have done, but did not do

First of all, we need to know that we are responsible for those good deeds that we could have done, but did not do. In clergy they are called “sins of lack.” That is, you did not do what you could have done. After all, whoever can do good and does not do it commits sin! As the holy Apostle James says: faith without works is dead(James 2:20). And this sin occurs very often. A good deed is what is required of us. Have you betrayed yourself entirely? Loved people so much that you could say you did everything?

How to deal with thoughts of love of money? You give alms to someone, but in your head you think that you are losing money.

You will receive both reward for giving alms and punishment for being a lover of money! Because you practically helped the one who extended his hand in front of you, and when he said: “Lord, forgive him!” - then here is your evidence. And then you yourself deprive yourself of the reward, because you turned out to be a lover of money.

When you only have money for bread, and someone asks, wouldn’t it be reckless to give it to him and leave yourself without bread?

One father was asked: “If someone asks you to give him clothes, what will you do?” - “I’ll give it back!” - “What if he asks for a shirt?” - “I’ll tear it in half and give half of it to him!” - “What will you do then?” - “Then I’ll go and ask God to give me alms, so that someone will take pity on me and clothe me!” And at the same time, he would not retreat at all, but would give everything and fulfill the word of Christ in the Gospel.

- Father, how to understand the word of the Holy Gospel: If your right eye offends you, pluck it out, for it is better for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be cast into hell.(cf. Matthew 5:29)?

Well, don't interpret this literally! It is not necessary to tear out your own eye so that there are no more reasons for condemnation. The Savior speaks figuratively. However, if you do this, there will be no error. But who will tear out his own eye today?

In “The Lives of the Saints” there is one saint of rare beauty and strength of spirit, with whom some ruler fell in love. And so he went and asked the abbess to give it to him. And she took it, tore out her eyes and sent them to him on a platter! “Here you go, my eyes!” They were looking at you! Not my soul, not my heart!” The ruler, seeing this, fell on his face and repented. And the saint prayed to the Mother of God and was healed.

Have you seen that you can even tear out your own eyes? But in general, the interpretation is that they need to be closed. Don't judge, don't look anymore. Don't look at his bad deeds anymore! And if you see him, sympathize with him! Maybe you can help. Oh, what an important role the eyes play for a person!..

No one can say how tears arise. Suddenly they splash! But there are also invisible tears. Don't cry just so people can see you. Deep repentance is what invisible tears are. You are very sorry and the tears come. Because crying is an invisible process and cannot be explained.

Tears come to everyone. This happens in a state of deep reverence, at such a moment: “What a terrible sinner I was! How can God still tolerate me?” And this crying really washes away a lot. But, I repeat, there are also invisible tears.

- Tell us about the prayer rule. How can we manage ourselves, how can we discipline ourselves?

Yes. This rule should be permanent!

- And when you have to do homework, how can you also say prayers?

When you have any profession - whether you are a doctor, an apprentice, a student or a professor - you perform your duty there in a Christian manner, and thus you will fulfill the word of God! And when you are free, when nothing will occupy you, you will also perform your prayers.

Yes! There is no need to understand them right away. You will understand everything in time. And reading them is good, even if you don’t find comfort in them and don’t understand! Because it may happen that they talk about an invisible enemy, the devil, and you somehow interpret this in your own way. Continue reading to him. And the day will come when God (you will be amazed - through someone or Himself personally) will explain to you what this is about, because there is nothing left unexplained in the Holy Scriptures.

From the parable of the prodigal son, one must conclude that God loves the repentant more than the one who constantly serves Him?

No! The brother who did not fall and was proud of it, when he came home and heard his father's great mercy there, was tempted. For he says: you never gave me even a kid so that I could have fun with my friends(Luke 15:29). But why did he say baby goat why didn't you tell me lamb? Because a goat is considered something bad. That is, a demon. “He did not give me a kid” - that is, he did not allow me reprehensible entertainment. And the prodigal turned out to be better than him. After all, God leaves His entire house and goes after the lost sheep. He loves her and is looking for her. But this does not mean that others are unloved. He simply loves this one because this one needs love.

It is said of the saint that he was the apostle whom he loved Christ (see: John 13:23). But what do you think, that He didn’t love the rest of the apostles? I loved! So what's going on? The holy Apostle John simply had a stronger need for love.

What can you tell us about repentance done with joy and repentance done with some sadness of heart, fear of God and fear of death?

My dears! There is no reason to be sad when we have a saving God who can forgive us all our sins! She doesn't exist! But if we are talking about repentance that “I have sinned and grieved the goodness of God,” then your repentance is acceptable. Because every person, when he sins, repents. And he doesn’t repent like this: “Ha-ha-ha!” - and repents with tears. And who dares to say about himself that he has not sinned? Who among you can throw a stone, saying that he has not sinned? Everyone has sinned! But for a sin to be corrected, it needs repentance. You repent and rejoice! You rejoice somewhere inside yourself that God sent you repentance as a gift.

And you know what? We are not sure that He accepts it from us. We only hope that He will accept it. It is only Catholics who say that they are confident of their salvation. And I'm not sure of salvation, but I hope.

There are priests and brethren who are accustomed to reading a certain number of akathists or prayers and feel almost possessed by a demon if they have not read them, no matter how. How should we be and how to carry out this monastic rule, so that we fulfill it and there is no laziness on our part, and at the same time have sobriety, not lose sobriety?

- “I made my rule! Now, Lord, give me what I deserve!” No, my dears! You must be sober all the time! The rule is the duty of a monk. But if his obedience is long-lasting and deprives him of the opportunity to fulfill the rule, then obedience, the cutting off of the will, is higher than the rule.

Well, look, so that you understand me, I’ll give you an example. A guy and a girl, Niku and Ioanna, got married. And so after the wedding, Ioanna goes to the kitchen, and Niku goes to work. And the young woman’s food burns. "Oh! What will Niku say? - the poor thing is tormented. “He’ll scold me for burning the food!” - the conscientious girl is worried. And then Niku returns. “Nicku, dear, forgive me, my food burned!” - “Come on, dear, this doesn’t interest me at all. Why haven't you been thinking about me all day? This is what interests me!”

And God will ask us: “I created you and awarded you with so many gifts, assigned you enormous guards, Guardian Angels. Heaven was in your hands. You could be gods by grace, so why didn't you think about Me? Why were they distracted? Why did you think about worldly affairs and not about Me?”