A three-year-old kid receives a New Year's gift from his grandmother. Having unfolded it, he sees that it is a water pistol and, squealing with delight, runs quickly to fill it. Mom is not at all happy, turning to her grandmother:
- Mom, do you remember how we drove you crazy with our water pistols?
Grandma smiles and says:
- And then!

A girl comes from school
- Mom, why does everyone say that I'm inattentive?
- Girl, you've already fucked up, you live next door!

Woman - a girl of three years:
- What is your name?
Girl:
- I forgot.
The girl's mother (wearily):
- Her name is Isabella. She just says it in such a way that it seems to everyone that she “forgot”.

Luke, I am your father! - Mother! Enough! Take the pot off your head and don't touch my pills again.

Is sitting German officer at headquarters, studying radio interception data, reasoning:
- The first time the Russians tried to blow up the bridge, which we are guarding, on the day of the October Revolution, the second time on Stalin's birthday, then on New Year's Eve. Now, judging by this transcript, they will try to do it to the Fucking Mother.
Addressing the radio operator:
- Günther, do you know what kind of holiday this is for Russians? It's not on their calendars.
- I can’t know, mister officer, but something tells me that this time both the bridge and us are kaput.

The girl runs out to Santa Claus to meet all in tears:
- Deeeedushka Morooz! I put on a beautiful dress, tied a bow, learned a rhyme, but while I was running to you, I fell, tore my dress, lost the bow and forgot the rhyme!
Santa Claus, with the deepest disappointment:
- Well, deeevochka, well * fuck your mother!

Son, a bird sang to me here that you smoke ... Is that true?
- Mom, you're smoking along the way, since the birds are already talking to you !!!

Mom, is it true that I'm unplanned?
- Of course not. The Lord planned you by slipping holey condoms on me and dad.

The man went to clean the well. He cleaned it, calling his mother-in-law to throw the rope to him and pull it out of the well. And his mother-in-law:
- Call me mom, I'll pull it out.
The man was tormented, tormented - the language does not turn to call the mother-in-law mother. She got offended, turned around and left. The man shouted, cursed, there was nothing to do, he somehow got out, he was all skinned, he broke his nails, angry as hell. Jumped out of the well, ran into the house - and for a gun. The mother-in-law saw and ran to hide in the corn. Her son-in-law sneaks up behind her on the corn and affectionately like this:
- Mommy, where are you?

According to statistics, women driving are less likely to get into an accident, it's been proven!
- Yes, dear, when you drove into the oncoming lane today, twenty cars shied away from you, fifteen of them collided with each other, men were driving everywhere, and you, without a single scratch, drove on! And yesterday, your mom, seeing a banner in the window about shoes with a discount of 200 rudders, grabbed the steering wheel and your dad’s shoulder, and they ended up repairing the car and the lamppost. But that doesn't count, does it?

Pages: 4

Here are collected riddles about the family. Or about the 7th (family). And who is in this family? Yes, that's right, our native mother, father, brother, sister, grandparents. Big and friendly family. You will find riddles about all these wonderful people on this and other pages of our site. There are also riddles about aunt and uncle. Attention, if you click on the picture, it will open in a new large window.

Who will solve the riddles
He recognizes his relatives:
Someone mom, someone dad,
Who is a sister or brother,
And to know you grandfather and grandmother -
You don't need to think at all!
All relatives with whom you live,
Even an uncle or aunt
Surely you friends
Together you are one...
(family)

She is the best in the world
Can't live without her
Masha, Pasha has it
And of course I have.
(family)

Without what in the world
Adults can not live and children?
Who will support you friends?
Your friendly...
(family)

Everyone knows this word
Will not change for anything!
To the number "seven" I will add "I" -
What will happen?
(family)

Dad, mom, older brother,
Tanya, grandfather Ignat -
There are many different families here.
And all together, who are they?
(family)

Here's what's the deal...
We are not seven, but three:
Dad, Mommy and me
But together we are...
(family)

Family math puzzle

We are a big family
The youngest is me!
Do not immediately count us:
Manya is and Vanya is,
Yura, Shura, Klasha, Dasha,
And Natasha is also ours.
We're walking down the street
They say it's an orphanage.
Count quickly
How many of us are children in the family?
(8)

Riddles about mom

Who is the cutest person in the world?
Who do children love the most?
I will answer the question directly:
- Ours is cuter than everyone ...
(Mother)

Riddles about dad

Who does the hard work
Can do on Saturdays? -
With an ax, a saw, a shovel
Builds, works our ...
(dad)

Grandma Riddles

Who does not stop loving
Bakes pies for us
Delicious pancakes?
This is our…
(grandmother)

Let me not go to kindergarten,
I eat pancakes at home.
Retired, I'm glad
My dear …
(grandmother)

Always treat with jam
The table will be set with refreshments,
Lada is our darling,
Who? - Native ...
(grandmother)

Who cleans the house in the morning?
Who puts a big samovar?
Who plays with little sister
And takes her to the boulevard?
(grandmother)

Bake a cake for us
Cook cottage cheese for breakfast,
And read his magazine
As always everything is in time.
Who are we asking now?
Did you say good words?
(about grandmother)

Who is in the kitchen with the cook
Always standing by the stove
Who darns our clothes
Who is humming with a vacuum cleaner?
Who in the world is the tastiest
She always bakes pies
Even dads who are more important
And who in the family is honored?
(grandmother)

Who will sing us a song at night,
To sweetly we fell asleep?
Who is the kindest and most wonderful?
Surely - …
(granny)

Best knitting socks
Will tell a glorious tale
sing a lullaby,
And gives us advice.
(grandmother)

Riddles about grandfather

I come to him for the summer,
His life has not yet been sung!
We go fishing together
In winter we go sledding!
He has a gray head
Knee-length beard
He is a man and he is gray
Papa - papa, he - to me ...
(grandfather)

He did not work out of boredom,
He has callused hands
And now he is old and gray -
My dear, beloved...
(grandfather)

I love him more than candy
I value him more than coins
I am his ancestor, but not his son,
Some people have two, I have one.
(grandfather)

Wrinkles on his face
Gray hair is visible.
This homebody
Our beloved…
(grandfather)

He is the eldest in the family
The wisest in the yard
Head all gray
And he gets up at dawn.
(grandfather)

He will teach you to work
Have fun from the heart
He is an example to all the guys -
Our own beloved...
(grandfather)

I'm always proud of them
Though now he is all gray-haired.
Who looks bravo from the portrait? -
This …. it's mine!
(grandfather)

Who worked all his life

Surrounded by care

grandchildren, grandmother, children,

Respect for ordinary people?

Retired for many years

Our ageless…
(grandfather)

Riddles about brother

I'm not alone with my mother
She also has a son
I'm small next to him
For me, he is the oldest ...
(Brother)

I'm happy with him and he's happy with me

We go to one kindergarten,

Bought a cool girl -
To me a real...
(sister)

Mom and dad are talking
Now I'm an older brother
What is the doll in the stroller
Crying from a terrible shaking?
There is a mountain in the bathroom of the sliders!
Brother who is she?
(sister)

I don't know what to tell you.
If you are not there, I miss you
I smile - next to you.
You and I are two...
(sisters)

Riddles about uncle

Who is with my mother's sister
Does he visit us sometimes?
Looking at me with a smile
Hello! tells me...
(uncle)

Riddles about aunt

Mom's older sister -
Doesn't look old at all
He asks with a smile: How are you?
Who came to visit us?
(aunt)

Riddles about the family - mom, dad, brothers, sisters, grandparents and relatives - uncle and aunt in poetic form with answers. All riddles are easy to understand and understand for children. If you learn a riddle about grandparents with your child, and then tell it to them, then a sea of ​​\u200b\u200bpositive emotions is provided to everyone.

Grandma, play with us! We play bears at the zoo.
- What will I do?
- You will be an old woman who throws candy to the bears!

Granny, give me 5 rubles.
- What?
- Give me 5 rubles.
- What?
- Give me 10 rubles.
- You asked for 5!

Recently passed the world championship in knitting among grandmothers.
A grandmother from Russia knitted a sweater. A grandmother from China tied an iPhone.
And a grandmother from Somalia has tied up all the grandmothers and demands a ransom!

Grandmother asks her granddaughter:
- How does the cockerel speak?
- Ku-ka-re-ku!
- How does the cow speak?
- Mu-u-u-u-u-u-u!
- How does the frog speak?
- Qua-qua!
- How does the goat speak?
- Me-e-e-e-e-e!
- How does Piggy speak?
- Good night girls and boys.

Grandmother says to her granddaughter:
- You, baby, explain to me in a scientific way: why do I first see lightning, and then hear thunder?
- Yes, everything is clear here, grandmother. Your eyes are in the front and your ears are in the back.

Grandmother and granddaughter played school for two weeks. And only by the end of the second week did Grandma find out that she was doing her homework for her.

Grandma, is it true that every evil must be answered with good? - asks the granddaughter.
- True, granddaughter, true.
- Then give me a hundred rubles, please, I broke your glasses.

The old woman looks into the baby carriage:
- Oh, what wonderful twins! Both boys?
No, just the one on the left. On the right is a melon, - the father answers.

Two old women are talking on the train:
- I'm going to Moscow, to my grandson. And you?
- And I'm going from Moscow, home.

A grandson comes to his grandmother's birthday with a bouquet of roses.
- Thank you, dear granddaughter! - the grandmother was touched. - What beautiful roses and so similar to those that grow in our garden! ..
They don't grow anymore...

Grandmother sings a lullaby for her granddaughter at night. An hour sings, two sings, three ...
Tired. Decided to take a break. Then the granddaughter opens his eyes and asks:
- Grandma, can I sleep now ...

Grandmother and granddaughter are sitting at a chamber music concert. The cellist is playing. Granddaughter asks grandmother:
- Grandma, when will we go home? When will uncle cut his box?

At a Chinese restaurant, a waiter brings two grandmothers chopsticks.
- Strange, - one old woman says to another, - we were going to eat, not knit.

On the bus, a student chews gum. Grandmother, sitting opposite, looks at him for a long time, and then says:
- Well, why, son, are you telling me all this? I still can't hear anything.

Grandmother is raising her grandson
- When you cough, you need to cover your mouth with your palm.
- Don't be afraid, grandma, my teeth won't fall out!

Grandmother and grandson went to the zoo. In front of the cage with the elephant, the grandmother says:
- Misha, why don't you give the elephant bread?
- I don't know how to give it, it has tails on both sides.

Grandma, is my birthday coming soon?
- Soon. Why are you asking?
- Yes, I think, isn't it time for me to become an obedient girl.

Grandma, come play with us. We play bears at the zoo.
- What will I do?
You will be the old lady who threw candy to the bears.

Grandpa says to grandma:
- I can dig a garden in six days!
Grandma replies:
- And I - for five!
- Here and dig!

Mommy, why does daddy have so little hair on his head?
- He thinks a lot.
"Then why do you have so many hairs on your head?"
- Come on, better finish your dinner, daughter.

Mom, when on the weekend and you don’t feel like cooking porridge, don’t worry, just make pancakes for me.

A mother and daughter approach the ATM.
- Now, Tanya, let's take the money and go to the store.
Daughter looks at the ATM:
- Mom, is dad sitting there?

Mom is very upset.
- Alena, what you did is terrible! That vase you broke was three hundred years old!
- What happiness, mommy! And I thought it was new!



A boy comes from the street and roars:
- Ma-ma-a! Why is everyone calling me an excavator-a-a-yut?!
- Well, don't cry, Vovochka, let them call you names. You just close your mouth, otherwise you will scratch the furniture.

Mom, why did the stork bring my brother, but they found me in cabbage?
- The stork dropped you.

He could have become an astronaut, but my mother said: only a lawyer or a dentist.

Mom, what is it like to have the best daughter in the world?
- I don't know, ask your grandmother.

Mom, can I go play football with the guys?
- Only through my soup.

Mom mom! The tree is on fire!
- It does not burn, son, but shines.
- Mom mom! Curtains shine!

Mom, I dream of buying this computer...
- What are your years, son! Dreaming more!

Mom, how do you wash all these dishes in cold water?
You are right, daughter. Come on, quickly my own!

A little boy solves a crossword puzzle:
You can't make pancakes without it. Four letters. The first is "M". After a little thought, he writes: "Mom."

Ugh! Who is that howling like a mad dog?
It's me, Mom...
- Oh, it's you ... Well, sing, my nightingale!



Mom says to her son:
- Is that how you read a book, son? You're skipping a few pages.
- This is a book about spies. I want to catch them faster!

Mom, did you go to school?
- I went.
- And with whom did I stay at home then?

We take your dishwasher in for repairs!
- Mother! They've come for you!

Mom, what is the name of the station we just passed?
- Leave me alone, you're stopping me from reading!
It's a pity you don't know. Our little Sasha got off the train there.

Mom says to her son:
- Eat fish, it's good for the brain.
- I'm so smart!
- Good for bones too!
- I'm so skinny!

Mom asked her son:
- What would you like to get for your birthday?
- A horse, a gun and three days without washing!!!

In zoo:
- Mom, is this a monkey?
- No, it's still a cashier.

After dinner, mom goes to the kitchen, and her daughter shouts after her:
- No, mom, I don't want you to wash the dishes on your birthday. Leave it for tomorrow!

Mommy, sing a song about a noise-making mouse!
- Yes, I do not know this song!
- Well, how! Noise-maker-mouse, the trees bent...

Family at the table.
Mother:
- Son, what do you want for dinner?
Son:
- Me - like dad.
Mother:
- Is it time for you to already have your own opinion that you are still looking at others?
Son:
- Well, then I'm the same as you.
Mother:
- Well done!

The boy plays in the yard under the window. Mom comes out onto the balcony and shouts:
- Arkasha! Home!
The boy raises his head and shouts:
- I'm frozen?
- No, you want to eat!

Mother! - offers Valera. - Let's play like I broke a cup. I'll hit her with something, and you'll say: "Jumped! Congratulations!"

The mother decided to punish Petya: if he is late for dinner, he has no right to say a word at the table. Peter was late again.
- Listen, mom...
- Not a word, Petya!
- But mom...
- Once again I say: not a word!
After dinner, the mother asked Petya what he wanted to say.
- Ah, nonsense! I just wanted to say that my little brother is in the room pouring condensed milk into all of dad's socks.

Mom does not understand what the baby wants. He cries and cries, although the diapers are clean and dry, and he is full. Little Anton:
- Mom, what are you doing yourself! Check out the instructions!
- What instructions?
- Did the stork bring new product without instructions for use?

Mom says to her son:
- If you play the violin today, I will buy you a popsicle.
- No, mommy! My neighbor promised me three popsicles if I didn't play!

A young mother sits on a bench in the park.
Her son is passing by on a bicycle:
- Mother! Look, I'm driving without hands!
After 15 minutes:
- Mom, look! I'm going without teeth!

Mom talking to son at the zoo:
- Mom, let's buy an elephant?
- Misha, what are we going to feed him?
- Nothing! Look, there's a sign here that says it's strictly forbidden to feed an elephant.

Petya is protected from infection, only boiled water is allowed to drink, fruits are thoroughly washed.
Petya: - Mom, do you know what I will do when I grow up?
Mom: - What?
Petya: - Hire microbes.

Mom, are you good at remembering faces?
- I seem to remember, but what?
- Well, I accidentally broke the mirror.
..

Mom, what is etiquette?
- Ability to yawn with your mouth closed?

Mom and daughter stand in front of the statue of Venus de Milo.
- You see, - says mom, - it happens to every girl who bites her nails ...

List of used literature:

1. Magazine "Fidget".
2. Magazine "Cool"
3. Newspaper "The world of children and teenagers"
4. Magazine "Mickey Mouse".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna

The best jokes about children and parents

- D dear, our son has talent! Today he drew a fly on the table, I beat off my whole arm trying to kill it!
- What's more, yesterday I saw a painted snake in the bathroom and ran out through the painted door.

- M ama, is it true that every child should have a father?
- True, son.
- Then why are there three children in our family, and only one dad?

…m Elijah, let's have sex, shall we? - The son is not sleeping. - No, he's sleeping. - No, well, look; “- son, please bring some water. (Silence) - Well, come on. Wild sex, violent orgasm, both leaned back in ecstasy and suddenly a voice from the darkness "and how long will I stand here with a mug of water?"

- D oh, they told me that you smoke!
- So-and-so, well, which of the grandmothers in the yard did I not say hello to?

H heredity is what you unconditionally believe in when your child is an A student.

- P apa, dad, who did you want a boy or a girl?
- Oh, son, I actually just wanted to relax!

- T So, son, take a step, take another step ... Lucy, bring the camera quickly - the son has returned from graduation!

R The parents are sitting on the couch, hugging each other. Eight-year-old Lenochka looks at them thoughtfully, then says:
- Stop hugging! There are already so many of us!

- M Um, did you have a computer as a child?
- No
- A ... dividends?
- No!
- What about a cell phone?
- No
- Mom, have you seen dinosaurs!?

TO We drank our daughter's webcam, and now exactly one third of the room is perfectly cleaned.

IN the family had a quadruple. Neighbors ask their seven-year-old brother:
What were the kids' parents named?
He (uncertainly):
- If I understood dad correctly, then Nuni, Figa, Sebe and Damn.

IN chera and her daughter were drawing a kitten. In the morning they found the same one outside the door. Today the whole family will draw a house in Spain, a Lexus and a mink coat.