Habit is second nature. There are habits that have such a strong impact on us that they deprive us of a full feeling of happiness. Let's look at some of the habits of unhappy people.

The pursuit of excellence

Everything is always difficult if you are a perfectionist. It is very difficult for such a person to achieve a state of happiness, because even the process of achieving happiness itself must be ideal. A perfectionist is almost always dissatisfied with something. Therefore, moments of happiness are very fleeting for him. A perfectionist is happy only in those rare moments when he feels that he has done something perfectly, and until he sees that someone has done it even better.

One of the habits of unhappy people is to communicate with eternally dissatisfied people.

We cannot avoid other people and live as hermits, not listening to anyone or anything. Those with whom we communicate directly or indirectly influence us. It is extremely difficult to be happy if people around you are constantly complaining, suffering, or crying. For some, such thoughts and views are predominant and concern absolutely everything. It becomes a habit, not a habit happy person. To finally feel happy, it is better to avoid such interlocutors.

Constant thoughts about the past or the future are also quite harmful thoughts that negatively affect our sense of happiness and harmony. The inability to live in the present is a habit not only of unhappy people. It is common for almost every person not to appreciate the present moments.

But by focusing on thoughts about the future or memories of the past, we lose the sense of the moment “here”, which occurs in the most important time - “now”. Unhappy people focus on something negative, and are much less likely to remember pleasant moments. They dwell on thoughts about why something didn’t work out for us, why we were refused, why we didn’t do the right thing.

Old grievances, replaying failures, harmful thoughts like “what will happen? what will happen?” – all this takes a tasty bite out of our feeling of happiness “here and now.” There is a time for everything - we were sad, we analyzed, we drew conclusions and we move forward. And we try not to look too far into the future. Enjoy the present.

Comparing yourself and your life with others does not lead to happiness

Someone always has something better, even if other aspects of life may be much worse than yours. If you live in constant comparison, evaluating everything you have from the perspective of evaluating the lives of others, then how can you evaluate how happy you are?

Dependence on the opinions of others is another habit of unhappy people

Before doing something, unhappy people think about what others will think or say about it. These harmful thoughts then lead to fear of being judged. Remember, constantly looking back and looking askance at others clearly interferes with personal development and, accordingly, happiness.

Unhappy people often make life difficult for themselves

Moreover, they create these difficulties for themselves by exaggerating their problems and troubles. This attitude towards life becomes a habit that has a detrimental effect on a person’s emotional state.

If you notice that you may have or are prone to one of the above habits, try to get rid of them in order to become a truly happy and free person.

Unhappiness as a personality quality - having heavy karma, not knowing happiness, joy, good luck; to be a victim who is constantly pursued by misfortune.

One day a visitor came to the sage and began to complain: “I’m so unhappy.” Everything is so bad for me, it can’t get any worse. I lost my job, my wife is sick, my daughter can’t get married, my son doesn’t want to study... Tell me, maybe you know what I should do to become happier? “There is one ancient remedy,” answered the sage. - You need to take a lot of pieces of paper, write on them: “And this will all pass,” and place them in all the rooms.

The puzzled man thanked him and left. A couple of years later, the same person returns and says: “How grateful I am to you, how grateful, there are simply no words!” Everything has changed in my life. I found a great job, my wife recovered, my daughter got married, my son finished his studies and got a job... Everything is just great! Thank you very much! Yes, I just wanted to ask: “Those papers that I laid out in the apartment, can they be put away already?” - Why clean it? - the sage shrugged. - Let them lie down for now.

Unhappiness is the harvest of the consequences of your past actions. Heavy karma has come - open the gate. Retribution has come. Bills need to be paid. Unhappiness is a boomerang for violating the laws of the universe in the past. Misfortune is a harsh lot for lack of piety. If a person has done evil, where will the funds come from in the heavenly account of piety? Red balance. This means no happiness, joy or luck. Piety accumulates in one who lived with dignity and decency, who served people. Happiness and joy come to him.

Unhappiness is the verdict of the Heavenly Court: he lived like a pig, therefore, let him suffer. Maybe he will learn something, realize how to live correctly, and understand that he needs to increase the level of his spirituality. Maybe it will finally dawn on people that happiness is a spiritual category. From the temporary, material, you cannot get the eternal, spiritual. The spiritual path knows no loss.

The real taste of happiness must be sought in spirituality, and not in clothes, trinkets and material wealth. They haven't made anyone happy yet. You cannot take them with you at the hour of death. If you see the main goal of life in accumulating money and material wealth, at the end of your life you will definitely experience disappointment and emptiness.

The nature of the soul is eternity, knowledge and bliss. The soul is charged with happiness. A person becomes unhappy because of himself. The soul has a property: it listens to the feelings, the desired mind, the personality traits manifested in a person. In a word, the soul can be conditioned by someone or something. She is easily suggestible. Under the influence of vices, the energy of the soul is distorted. There is nothing left of happiness and joy. The energy of envy, greed and pride is released. The bottom line is that we have unhappiness cultivated by man himself. If you add heavy karma to this, the picture takes on a sad and sorrowful appearance.

Unhappiness can be the rotten fruit of ignorance. For example, interested parties inspired a person that he should live for the happiness of his great-grandchildren, whom he will never see. And so he humps for the sake of someone else’s, selfish goal. Naturally, no one thinks about his great-grandchildren. The grabbers and burnouts think about their own pockets, and they use such gullible, fanatical gullibles and suckers as they please.

Once a sage was walking along the road, admiring the beauty of the world and enjoying life. Suddenly he noticed an unfortunate man hunched over under an unbearable burden. - Why do you condemn yourself to such suffering? - Asked the sage. “I suffer for the happiness of my children and grandchildren,” the man answered. - My great-grandfather suffered all his life for the happiness of my grandfather, my grandfather suffered for the happiness of my father, my father suffered for my happiness, and I will suffer all my life, only so that my children and grandchildren become happy.

Was anyone happy in your family? - asked the sage. - No, but my children and grandchildren will definitely be happy! - answered the unhappy man. - An illiterate person cannot teach you to read, and a mole cannot raise an eagle! - Said the sage. - First learn to be happy yourself, then you will understand how to make your children and grandchildren happy!

An unhappy person is a carrier of unhappiness. He is riddled with failure. Trouble is on his heels. Unfortunately, it is contagious. Communicate with unlucky person dangerous, because part of his karma passes on to his environment. Take, marital relations. Marriage is an exchange of karmas. Having married an unlucky man, a woman shares his unhappy fate with him. And vice versa, by marrying the lover of unhappiness, you receive her karma in “all its glory.”

The oligarch comes to the astrologer and says: “I want to divorce my wife.” We are too different. She is already behind me in intelligence. I'm not interested in being with her. The astrologer carefully studied the fates of the spouses and said: “Do you know why you became an oligarch?” According to the karma of his wife. Your karma is to be a simple clerk. Once you divorce her, all your wealth will disappear. You'll go broke. You will be unhappy.

There lived an old man in the village. He was one of the unluckiest people in the world. The whole village was tired of him: he was always gloomy, always complaining, always in a bad mood, always sour. And the longer he lived, the more bilious he became, the more poisonous his words were. People avoided him: misfortune became contagious. It was somehow insulting not to be unhappy around him. He created a feeling of unhappiness in others too. But one day, when he turned eighty, the incredible happened - no one could believe it. Instantly the rumor spread around everyone: “The old man is happy today, he doesn’t complain, he smiles, even his face has changed.” The whole village gathered. The old man was asked: “What happened to you?” What's the matter?" “Nothing,” answered the old man. “For eighty years I tried to become happy and nothing came of it.” So I decided to do without happiness. That's why I'm happy.

Peter Kovalev

We talk a lot about happiness, about how to achieve this state and stay in it longer. In the end, it’s about how to always be happy and not miss it even for a second.

Happiness is a very ephemeral concept: everyone knows about it, sometimes they feel it, but only a few moments pass and you are no longer sure whether you were happy. Or was he happy, but compared to what?

So, what are the common paths to feeling unhappy? Henrik Edberg, author of The Positivity Blog, has so far counted 7 main ones.

The pursuit of excellence

Everything is always difficult if you are. It is very difficult for such a person to achieve a state of happiness, because even the path to achieve it must be ideal. There will always be someone who, in the understanding of a perfectionist, is still better in some way - a house, an apartment, a career, a family, a hairstyle, in the end. Moments of happiness for such a person are very fleeting and rare - only when he feels that he has done something perfectly and until he sees that someone has done it even better.

Communication with people who are always dissatisfied with something

Man is a social being. We cannot completely renounce other people and live as hermits, not listening to anyone or anything. Those with whom we communicate have a fairly large influence on us.

How can you be happy if people around you constantly say that life is a terrible thing and mostly unfair and cruel?

It’s one thing when such things are said to the point (the situation in the country, crisis, etc.), but quite another when such thoughts and opinions are predominant and concern absolutely everything. It is better to have such interlocutors and exclude this information noise from your field. If this is your inner voice, then you will have to seriously work on yourself.

Constant thoughts about the past and future

Everyone knows the “here and now” rule. By focusing on thoughts about the future or the past, we lose the sense of the moment that is happening in the most important time, in the time of “now”. We are almost always fixated on something negative, and much less often we remember pleasant moments. Usually these are thoughts about why something didn’t work out for us, why we were refused, why we didn’t do it right, and what was right at that moment.

Old grievances, failures - all this takes a tasty bite out of our feeling of happiness “here and now”.

How can you be happy while remembering and analyzing failures? There is a time for everything - we were sad, we analyzed, we drew conclusions and we move forward!

Comparing yourself and your life with others

Someone else always has something better, even if in other aspects of life they may be much worse than you. In general, constantly comparing yourself to someone is not a very good habit. And the more often you turned out to be better, the more painful it will be if someone turns out to be better than you. Often people generally begin to compare themselves with a huge amount those around you, and everyone will definitely find something better. As a result, your self-esteem may fall through the roof. And if this happens often enough, then you are guaranteed to see a psychiatrist and lose friends.

Focusing on the negative things in life

You don’t have to go far - go to your grandmother or wait in line, where there are many pensioners and aunties of pre-retirement age who get their main news from TV programs and radio.

As a result, all the talk is about how people are constantly stealing, killing, getting fired from work, and “best” friends taking away other people’s husbands and wives from under the noses. This is followed by a standard monologue on the topic “This didn’t happen under the USSR.” But normal people treat this calmly and with slight caution, realizing that this is part of life. she lives in this every day, and this news for her is life itself.

Yes, the lives of our grandmothers are not to be envied, but we still have the strength to change something. For example, stop focusing on everything negative.

Dependence on the opinions of others

Before you do something, you always think: “What will people think (say)?”

You may feel that you are the center of attention of some people, and by violating standard boundaries and standard behavior you will trigger the mechanism of judgment.

If you try to do something new, you do it secretly from your society. You may think that you are the source of the negativity, without thinking at all about the fact that maybe someone else is just having a hard week. Constantly looking back and looking askance at others (what will they say, how will they react?) very clearly interferes with personal development. And if it interferes with development, it also interferes with being happy.

Making life more difficult

Life is a very interesting and at the same time incredibly complex thing. But the most interesting thing is that we create the majority of all difficulties and “insurmountable” obstacles for ourselves. Some people are simply fixated on the “if, then” algorithm in its most negative manifestation.

What should we do about it?

• curb your perfectionism and set clear deadlines for yourself, being aware of exactly how much you invest and what you get out of it;
• try to protect yourself from the radio, limit communication with “Eeyores” and find new acquaintances with positive thinking;
• learn to let go in time; stop constantly comparing yourself with others and switch to comparing yourself today with yourself yesterday, and become a little kinder;
• learn to find more positivity around even in small things;
• do not look back at the opinions of others, striving for self-development and expansion of your consciousness;
• to yourself and those around you, by at least starting to get rid of the trash in your apartment (and at the same time in your head);
• try to avoid unnecessary conflicts, spend more time with friends, enjoy walks and breathe deeply, driving away stress and negative thoughts!

01.12.2014

None of us are perfect. Everyone is periodically overwhelmed by negative thoughts. But the question is whether you consider this a personal shortcoming or not. Psychology has proven that negativity is a disadvantage, a bad habit that needs to be fought.

University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky (below) wrote in Psychology Today that at least 40% of our happiness depends on ourselves.

Why only 40 percent?

Happy and unhappy moods are strongly influenced by heredity: some people are happy, others are simply unhappy by nature. Twin studies have shown that genes explain 50% of the differences in happiness between people. Some scientists raise this bar to 80%, but the majority still agrees on 50%.

Circumstances can make a person happy or unhappy, but not for long and not by much. Differences in health, educational level, marital status, and the presence of big victories and defeats in life explain only 10% of the differences in happiness. Both for bad and for good man getting used to it. To the good, alas, much faster. Psychologists call this return to a baseline level of happiness hedonic adaptation.

A person can forge his own happiness within the remaining 40%, says Lyubomirsky. Here happiness depends on his perception and reaction to external events. Lyubomirsky asked her respondents how external events, material acquisitions, and active actions affected them.

Based on these experiments, Lyubomirsky calls Seven Key Traits and Habits of Chronically Unhappy People.

1. Life is hard - that's the law

Happy people They know that life can sometimes be quite difficult, but they perceive the experience with curiosity and not as a victim. They take responsibility for getting themselves into trouble and focus on how to get out of the bad situation faster.

Perseverance in solving an endless pile of problems is a sure sign of a happy person. Unhappy people, on the contrary, learned in childhood that life is hard and unfair; they seem to constantly repeat: “Look what happened to me and what I had to go through.” They usually react nervously when they hear someone talking about an easy and wonderful life.

2. Most people are not trustworthy.

I won't say you have to have healthy insight, but most happy people trust those they interact with regularly. They believe in best qualities others. They are open and friendly. Happy people easily meet new people and value the feeling of belonging to a community.

Unhappy people, on the other hand, don't trust most others. And they don’t open up to them. They assume that strangers are always out to deceive them. Unfortunately, this habit sooner or later ends in loneliness. And loneliness is one of the main reasons for an eternally gloomy mood.

3. Focus on the horrors and bad sides of this world

There is a lot of evil in the world, and, unfortunately, many people think and talk about it too often. When you discuss world problems with people, and every positive message you make is met with “yes, but...”, then you are talking to a deeply unhappy person.

Happy people also like to talk about global issues, but they usually talk not about wars, conflicts and global warming, but about new technologies, progress, and economic prospects.

4. Constantly comparing yourself to others, causing envy and resentment

Unhappy people do not consider the success of others as luck. They believe that successful people there is a lack of kindness and supposed understanding that they were “just lucky.” This triggers their emotional mechanism of jealousy and resentment.

Happy people know that luck and external circumstances are only part of their success. Happy people know that they are creating something that no one can steal from them. They believe in unlimited possibilities.

5. Be vigilant to ensure that nothing bad happens, constantly monitor your life

There is a significant difference between a manic desire for control and a desire to achieve set goals. Happy people try every day to do things that will bring them closer to a good future, and understand that in order to do this they will have to neglect some aspects of their lives.

Unhappy people, on the contrary, worry about everything at once, worry that the future may be worse than it is, and try to “keep everything under control.” This mode of constant vigilance and anxiety is very draining.

The key to happiness is to remain purposeful and focused, rather than constantly thinking about what bad things might happen. Learn to concentrate!

6. The future causes anxiety and fear.

Unhappy people fill the space between their ears with thoughts about what else could go wrong. Happy people allow themselves to “forget” about some dangers in the future and tune in for the best. Of course, they also sometimes worry about “however things will turn out,” but there is a big difference between “sometimes” and “always.”

7. Communication means gossip and complaints.

Unhappy people would like to live in the past. All they talk about about themselves is hardship and difficulty. When they don't have them, they simply won't have anything to tell.

Happy people live in the present moment and dream about the future. When you talk to them, you feel the positive vibrations emanating from them. They are glad to have a job, grateful to have hope. And, yes, they talk about successes, not about the failures and embarrassments of others. Although they rarely discuss other people at all.

Reference: Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor at the University of California, Riverside. Today she is a world authority on happiness research. In 1976, her parents took her from the USSR to the USA.

Happy people don't chase happiness. They become happy because they want to be, and they live their lives as best they can. Chronically unhappy people are constantly trying to fix this state of affairs, but that is why they fail. Happiness cannot be pursued. He cannot be found or caught. This happens when everything falls into place.

You cannot fight unhappiness until you find inner peace. To do this, something needs to change. Happiness is directly related to our actions, choices and thoughts. You can only feel happy when your mind allows you to. Watch your thoughts. Expand your mind and your ability to feel better.

Here are 10 things chronically unhappy people do. They are the ones who prevent them from improving their lives.

1. Their outlook on life is fatalistic

An unhappy person very quickly concludes that something is impossible and does not even leave a chance for hope. “People don’t change,” “It can’t be changed,” “It’s over.” This type of belief is self-limiting. And the main reason is fear. They keep you from trying to find an alternative, to try something new, to find a different way to solve a problem. This type of thinking prevents people from reaching their true potential.

A closed mind will not provide an effective solution to a problem. Therefore, to become happy, throw away all your fatalistic beliefs, be open-minded and think positively.

2. They're stuck and can't change.

Sometimes people need a break from the hustle and bustle around them. They give up everything and begin, for example, to eat more and exercise less. This is a time when they have little to no involvement in their own lives. Change means work, and that can be quite painful. Change is leaving your comfort zone and losing control.

However, it is very important to practice change, feel fear and conquer it - because this is where happiness begins. This will happen when you focus on overcoming fear rather than pursuing happiness. Evolution and personal growth human beings bring him satisfaction, and it is this that gives rise to happiness. Without personal development and the work done, it will not be able to come. Unhappiness is a symptom of developmental delay. So get active and take control of your own life.

3. They don't try enough.

Being unhappy and giving up are the same thing. Whether or not to try something is a choice you make every day. You must try new habits, relationships, activities, foods and new knowledge. You need to try very hard to find yourself at every stage of life. You must try to be the best.

Happiness is finding your passion. Your passion is something you love so much that it even hurts. Unhappy people give up too early. They don't give themselves time and quit before they get results. Knowing your worth will give you the confidence to try again and again.

4. They judge themselves

You can often hear from unhappy people: “I’m such an idiot” or “I’m a terrible person.” You have to be good to yourself, and a good place to start is to stop verbally abusing yourself. Happiness comes when you are confident in yourself and your abilities. You can't be happy if you don't love yourself. People feel this very well and treat you the same way. Project outward what you want to design inward.

Your position is a product of your thoughts, the way you feel about yourself. Pamper yourself the way you would treat someone you truly love.

5. They read, listen to, and watch dark and scary things.

Even something as simple as the news can be depressing. It is very easy to find a place where you hear about pessimism in the world and in other people. We program ourselves to believe that our life is much better than all the horror stories we hear every day. The problem is that when we think about something, we thereby attract these events into our lives. Sad love songs are great, but perhaps you're bringing them into your relationship with your loved one? What happens if we surround ourselves with funny, happy things?

Change your thinking. Decide how you want to feel and embrace a happier world.

6. They care what others think

It's impossible to be happy if you spend hours thinking about how someone might judge you. Find out what you personally think and only care about that. Feel the strength in your beliefs, this will help you stand your ground when others begin to judge. Understanding the real you requires a lot of self-analysis, so don't waste time on what others will say.

7. They are defensive

Instead of being in control of life, unhappy people are being controlled by it. If you live in a defensive position, you will never feel happy. Don't take anything personally. Accept the truth. And learn to live with it.

Be open to taking risks, get creative and work towards something. Small achievements are part of the big ones.

8. They are passionate, proud and stubborn

Unhappy people like to do things their own way. When making assumptions, they are always confident that they are right. But pride is another barrier to happiness. It must be tested and defeated. Pride is selfish, but happiness is selfless. You must be open to alternative ideas and solutions. If something doesn't work, find another approach.

Being humble has a lot to do with being happy. Do something different if you want to change the outcome.

9. They find it difficult to part with anything.

Bad relationships, sad memories, the past, material possessions, unfinished projects, unfinished tasks, clutter, feelings, resentments... the list goes on and on. Whether it's changing priorities or clearing the mind, there should always be room for effort to let go of the old and make way for the new.

Holding on to the past and looking back prevents happiness from entering your life. The best things happen to those who don't hold on to anything. Let go of control and just watch as everything falls into place without any effort on your part. Have faith in something greater than you.

10. They take themselves too seriously

If you can't have a sense of humor about your own struggles or circumstances, then you're taking yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself and others. Don't be that person who overdoes it. Narcissism occurs when you believe that only your efforts can lead to results. But it's a lot of pressure. Learn to be humble and accept help from other people.

Life is too short to take it too seriously.