We talk a lot about happiness, about how to achieve this state and stay in it longer. In the end, it’s about how to always be happy and not miss it even for a second.

Happiness is a very ephemeral concept: everyone knows about it, sometimes they feel it, but only a few moments pass and you are no longer sure whether you were happy. Or was he happy, but compared to what?

So, what are the common paths to feeling unhappy? Henrik Edberg, author of The Positivity Blog, has so far counted 7 main ones.

The pursuit of excellence

Everything is always difficult if you are. It is very difficult for such a person to achieve a state of happiness, because even the path to achieve it must be ideal. There will always be someone who, in the understanding of a perfectionist, is still better in some way - a house, an apartment, a career, a family, a hairstyle, in the end. Moments of happiness for such a person are very fleeting and rare - only when he feels that he has done something perfectly and until he sees that someone has done it even better.

Communication with people who are always dissatisfied with something

Man is a social being. We cannot completely renounce other people and live as hermits, not listening to anyone or anything. Those with whom we communicate have a fairly large influence on us.

How can you be happy if people around you constantly say that life is a terrible thing and mostly unfair and cruel?

It’s one thing when such things are said to the point (the situation in the country, crisis, etc.), but quite another when such thoughts and opinions are predominant and concern absolutely everything. It is better to have such interlocutors and exclude this information noise from your field. If this is your inner voice, then you will have to seriously work on yourself.

Constant thoughts about the past and future

Everyone knows the “here and now” rule. By focusing on thoughts about the future or the past, we lose the sense of the moment that is happening in the most important time, in the time of “now”. We are almost always fixated on something negative, and much less often we remember pleasant moments. Usually these are thoughts about why something didn’t work out for us, why we were refused, why we didn’t do it right, and what was right at that moment.

Old grievances, failures - all this takes a tasty bite out of our feeling of happiness “here and now”.

How can you be happy while remembering and analyzing failures? There is a time for everything - we were sad, we analyzed, we drew conclusions and we move forward!

Comparing yourself and your life with others

Someone else always has something better, even if in other aspects of life they may be much worse than you. In general, constantly comparing yourself to someone is not a very good habit. And the more often you turned out to be better, the more painful it will be if someone turns out to be better than you. Often people generally begin to compare themselves with a huge amount those around you, and everyone will definitely find something better. As a result, your self-esteem may fall through the roof. And if this happens often enough, then you are guaranteed to see a psychiatrist and lose friends.

Focusing on the negative things in life

You don’t have to go far - go to your grandmother or wait in line, where there are many pensioners and aunties of pre-retirement age who get their main news from TV programs and radio.

As a result, all the talk is about how people are constantly stealing, killing, getting fired from work, and “best” friends taking away other people’s husbands and wives from under the noses. This is followed by a standard monologue on the topic “This didn’t happen under the USSR.” But normal people treat this calmly and with slight caution, realizing that this is part of life. she lives in this every day, and this news for her is life itself.

Yes, the lives of our grandmothers are not to be envied, but we still have the strength to change something. For example, stop focusing on everything negative.

Dependence on the opinions of others

Before you do something, you always think: “What will people think (say)?”

You may feel that you are the center of attention of some people, and by violating standard boundaries and standard behavior you will trigger the mechanism of judgment.

If you try to do something new, you do it secretly from your society. You may think that you are the source of the negativity, without thinking at all about the fact that maybe someone else is just having a hard week. Constantly looking back and looking askance at others (what will they say, how will they react?) very clearly interferes with personal development. And if it interferes with development, it also interferes with being happy.

Making life more difficult

Life is a very interesting and at the same time incredibly complex thing. But the most interesting thing is that we create the majority of all difficulties and “insurmountable” obstacles for ourselves. Some people are simply fixated on the “if, then” algorithm in its most negative manifestation.

What should we do about it?

• curb your perfectionism and set clear deadlines for yourself, being aware of exactly how much you invest and what you get out of it;
• try to protect yourself from the radio, limit communication with “Eeyores” and find new acquaintances with positive thinking;
• learn to let go in time; stop constantly comparing yourself with others and switch to comparing yourself today with yourself yesterday, and become a little kinder;
• learn to find more positivity around even in small things;
• do not look back at the opinions of others, striving for self-development and expansion of your consciousness;
• to yourself and those around you, by at least starting to get rid of the trash in your apartment (and at the same time in your head);
• try to avoid unnecessary conflicts, spend more time with friends, enjoy walks and breathe deeply, driving away stress and negative thoughts!

Happiness has the most different shapes, which are sometimes difficult to determine. On the contrary, the state of unhappiness is very easy to recognize.

When people are unhappy, it’s hard to even be around them, let alone work and live. By the way, certain destructive habits very quickly lead to this state. Watch yourself so that they do not become your usual actions.

1. Waiting for the future

The statement “I will be happy when...” is one of the simplest such habits. How you finish this sentence doesn't really matter. You get hung up on conditions and circumstances, and they do not lead to happiness. Don't waste your time waiting for something. Better focus on being happy with life right now.

2. Materialism

Material things will not make you happy. If that's what you're used to chasing, you're probably very unhappy. First of all, it's just instant gratification, and it wears off quickly. And second, you acquire material things at the expense of more valuable things that can bring you a sense of true happiness, such as family, friends and hobbies.

3. Staying at home

When you feel unlucky person, there is a desire to avoid other people. This is a huge mistake, since communication, even when you don’t want it, perfectly saves you from such a state. We all have those days when we want to be silent and be in silence, but the moment it turns into a habit, self-destruction begins.

4. Perceiving yourself as a victim

Unhappy people tend to believe that life is hard and uncontrollable: “I can’t do anything about it.” The problem with this approach is that it increases feelings of helplessness, and helpless people are less likely to want to take action to improve things. Remember that you are not the only person facing difficult times, and you are fully capable of taking control of your own life.

5. Pessimism

Nothing fuels unhappiness like pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect bad things to happen, you're more likely to get them. Negative thoughts difficult to banish unless you realize how logical they are. Look at reality and you will see that everything is not as terrible as you think.

6. Complaints

Complaining and whining are also destructive. Regularly thinking about how bad things are for you only reinforces this feeling. Voicing your concerns can help you feel better, but there is a fine line between needing to talk and complaining. In addition to the fact that you are dissatisfied with yourself, you are also regularly dissatisfied with everyone around you.

7. Ignoring

Happy people are always responsible for their actions: when they make mistakes, they admit it. Unhappy people consider problems and mistakes to be almost fatal, so they try to turn a blind eye to them and pretend they don't exist. However, problems tend to get worse when they are ignored.

8. The ability to make a mountain out of a molehill

A bad streak in life happens to everyone. The difference is that happy people perceive it as just a temporary obstacle, and unhappy people - as another confident proof that everything is terrible and catastrophic, and they themselves are practically doomed.

9. Reluctance to improve

Since unhappy people are pessimists who do not know how to control their lives, they usually sit back and wait for something to happen to them. Instead of setting goals, gaining knowledge and improving themselves, they simply do nothing, and then are surprised that there are no changes in their lives.

10. The desire to be no worse than others

Envy and jealousy are incompatible with happiness, so if you constantly compare yourself to others, you will never be satisfied. Beware of this behavior pattern because it will not make you happy and will most likely have the opposite effect.

Have you tried to stop and look at your life from the outside? Think about whether you are happy or not? Believe that happy life For the most part, it depends only on your actions and thoughts, because some of them simply program for long-term or permanent failure. the site suggests studying the habits of such losers and checking whether you have similar habits. The article will tell you how an unhappy person behaves - beware of such actions and eradicate them from your behavior. After all, hopeless depression and unhappiness are unlikely to be your goal.

An unhappy person and dependence on present and future circumstances

What you need to be satisfied with life is new position, salary supplement or the appearance of a wealthy man in your destiny? - Alas, even if you wait for all these benefits, the feeling of happiness will not visit you for long. What will happen if you never get them, because this is quite possible? In this case, will you really spend your whole life waiting for happiness, real life, instead of living here and now and learning to find a reason to rejoice in what you already have?

Learn to see happiness in today, and not wait for a bright future, like the sea of ​​​​weather. After all, in this way you develop dependence on external circumstances. And any addiction is a road to unhappiness.

Unhappy man: keeping up with others

Drop constant comparisons with others and focus on yourself and your life. If you experience even slight envy and jealousy of someone else's achievements, you will not feel your own happiness. Don't chase something just because others have it. Surely you also have a lot of good things that can give you joy.

A study was conducted where respondents said that they would not want great material wealth if other people did not have them either. If you think this way, then urgently change your train of thought. This tactic leads to an unhappy life, because it is impossible to earn all the benefits, everyone has their own capabilities and abilities. Yes, and you don’t need to have a lot of material things to be happy.

An unhappy person is often fixated on material things and does not indulge himself in impressions

Have you ever thought about how much effort and time goes into buying things? Repeated studies have shown that material wealth does not lead to happiness. Going shopping to lift your spirits is useful, but when chasing after things is a habit, then luck will not come to you. Sooner or later, a period will come when a person realizes that by wasting time on purchasing material things, he has lost more - himself. Spend a free hour going for a walk with your family, visiting your parents, or riding a bike. In return, you will receive more positive emotions than from your next shopping trip.

Dissatisfaction with life leads to a desire to avoid others, but you should not follow it. Communication will help overcome the blues. Call a friend and have a cup of tea with her in a cafe. After communicating, you will notice how your worldview has changed. It is not necessary to go out every day; sometimes lying around under a blanket at home is also useful, but only if it has not become part of your usual way of life.

A pessimistic attitude and the role of a victim will make any person unhappy

People who have not experienced happiness in life find it difficult and uncontrollable. This philosophy promotes apathy, a feeling of helplessness and an unwillingness to change everything in life. better side. Change the role of the victim to the role of a predator who knows what he wants, and even when experiencing difficulties, goes towards his goal. Remember that troubles happen to everyone, but everyone deals with them differently.

What can bring trouble is nothing more than pessimism, which helps to predict everything bad. A pessimistic attitude is appropriate when you do not look at the facts. Really assess the situation and make sure that not everything is so bad.

Unhappy person: complaints and worsening problems

A common situation: a friend calls regularly and endlessly complains about her life (her husband doesn’t appreciate her, her children don’t listen, she doesn’t have enough money, etc.). Have you noticed where this is leading her? Of course, this leads to an increase in the negative attitude, because she thinks and talks about the bad, without seeing the positive (the children are healthy, the husband earns money, there is no money today, but there will be tomorrow). And with a constant negative background in someone’s home, problems actually begin to appear - the husband runs away, the children get sick, and in adulthood they run away even faster.

I hope that this does not concern you personally. Remember that troubles are a temporary phenomenon, take them for granted, and not as the fact that circumstances are always unfair to you and fate is initially predetermined and terrible. The life of happy people is available to each of us.

However, complaints do not always have a negative impact on life. Sometimes you need to discuss your real problems and pour out your soul to someone. Learn to determine for yourself when you complain in vain, unpromisingly and become more and more despondent, and when, after a one-time outpouring of your soul, you feel better and find a way to change your situation for the better. Try to talk about your concerns only if there is a therapeutic effect from the conversation.

Unhappy people don't solve problems and don't improve.

You are responsible for your actions, and if you made a mistake, try to correct it. Don’t hide your problems or accumulate them, but make decisions in a timely manner. Then you will not be burdened by worries, and the feeling of joy will not bypass you.

Losers do not try to change anything in their lives, they, on the contrary, expect a portion of the next problems and sorrows to arrive. But don’t give up, learn to control your life on your own: set goals, study, improve yourself, get out of your comfort zone. Then you will notice changes in your life for the better.

An unhappy person can be easily identified if you know his habits. Actions and thoughts are not aimed at solving problems, but at aggravating them. You can change the course of events if you don’t sit idle, communicate and learn something, don’t envy the benefits of others, etc. Try to see the positive in every day you live.

Thoughts and actions characteristic of an unhappy person occur in everyone. The main thing is that they do not become daily, habitual. If at least one of the listed 6 habits is your own, then get rid of it quickly. Psychologists believe that knowing happiness is given to everyone and it depends, first of all, on one’s attitude, but not everyone uses this opportunity. Be happy about what happened to you good events- everyone has them, even if they are little things. And if you fail, don’t dwell on it. There is no silver lining - says folk wisdom. Today's failure will seem insignificant to you tomorrow if you set yourself up correctly and do not stop your life because of it. Life is very diverse and changeable. And everything is in your hands: be happy today!

People sometimes don't notice when they are happy. If they are asked what this concept means to them, they may find it difficult to answer. However, when a person is unhappy, he is clearly aware of this and understands when such a feeling took possession of him. Many people think that life circumstances are to blame for everything. However, according to researchers, a happy person makes himself this way, and no tests can prevent him from doing so. Big role Habits also play a role. So, some of them are a direct path to making you unhappy. We invite you to familiarize yourself with the 10 most important habits that you should give up if you want to start enjoying life.

Hope for the future

One of the main habits that will prevent you from becoming a happy person is saying phrases like “I will be happy when I find a new job/when my salary increases/when I have a new partner, etc.” It doesn't matter how you finish this sentence. Remember that in this case you are betting everything on circumstances that have little control over you. Therefore, you should not expect something illusory, but you should work on your life now. Focus on what is important to you today and happiness will knock on your door very soon.

Spending too much time and effort on acquiring status items

Many people, when they start earning more, tend to convince themselves that it makes them happier. Moreover, most people think that the higher their income, the better they will feel. However, a lot of research shows that this is not entirely true. After all, when you are in pursuit of money and expensive things, when you receive them, you risk being disappointed. After all, you realize that they were absolutely not worth the effort. And the time spent on achieving them could be spent on your hobbies and communication with family and friends, which would make you happier.

Stay indoors

When you feel unhappy, you probably want to stay at home and not communicate with anyone. However, this behavior can be called a big mistake. Of course, in the lives of each of us there are times when we want to be alone with ourselves and hide from others. However, if this becomes a trend, you will very quickly notice how your mood begins to change for the worse. Therefore, force yourself to leave the house, communicate with people, and you will see how you will feel better very quickly.

View yourself as a victim

Unhappy people, as a rule, convince themselves that nothing in life depends on them. Therefore, they believe that they are unable to improve the situation. However, this approach only reinforces the feeling of helplessness. But it is always worth remembering that problems and difficulties happen to all people. And you have the power to pull yourself together and resist them, trying to change your life for the better.

Pessimism

Nothing can destroy happiness like pessimism. After all, if you constantly think and expect bad things, then most likely they will happen. Moreover, it is quite difficult to get rid of pessimistic thoughts. However, you must convince yourself that they are illogical. Force yourself to look at the facts and you will realize that things are actually not as bad as you thought.

Habit of complaining

If you start complaining all the time, you will end up living with anxiety all the time. Such behavior can confidently be called destructive to the individual. After all, if we constantly convince ourselves that everything is bad, then very soon we will no longer be able to entertain any other thoughts. There's no doubt that talking about what's bothering you can be extremely helpful. However, one should not allow the habit of complaining about anything and everything to develop. After all, this is a direct path to becoming an unhappy person with whom other people do not want to communicate.

To make mountains out of molehills

Bad things happen to every person. The difference is that happy people see them for what they are - temporary difficulties, while unhappy people see them as just more evidence that fate is extremely unkind to them. So, for example, if a common person If he gets into a small accident on the way to work and gets away with only a slight fright and a slightly dented wing of his iron horse, he will be glad that nothing more serious happened. A chronically unhappy person will see in this situation only another proof that he has not had a good day, week, month, and maybe his whole life since the very morning.

Hiding problems under the rug

Happy people are responsible for their actions. If they make a mistake, they are held accountable for it. Unhappy people try to hide their problems and mistakes they have made. And, as you know, if a problem is ignored, it can only get worse and cause even more damage.

Refusal of self-development

Because unhappy people are pessimistic and do not try to control their lives, they sit and wait for what will happen to them next. And instead of setting goals, learning and improving themselves, they simply express surprise at why nothing in their life is changing for the better.

Comparing yourself with others

Jealousy and envy are feelings that will not help you become happier. So if you're constantly comparing yourself to other people, then it's time to stop.

Life circumstances and happiness are actually not very closely related. Psychologists at the University of California studying happiness have concluded that genetics and life situations only account for 50% of a person’s level of happiness. The rest is up to him. And happiness largely depends on your habits and habitual way of thinking. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to these habits so that they do not drag you down with them. And some inclinations in this sense are much more dangerous. Here are ten such habits and tendencies.

1. Wait for the future. It is very easy to fall into the grip of this habit and tell yourself: “I will be happy when...” It doesn’t matter how this sentence ends (a promotion, a new partner, etc.). The main thing is that the main emphasis is on the situation and circumstances, but improvement life situation in itself does not lead to happiness. Don't waste time and don't wait for things that can't affect your mood. Try to be happy right now, in the present moment, because no guarantees for the future are possible.

2. Spending too much time and effort on acquisitions. People living in extreme poverty certainly experience an increase in happiness when they financial position is improving. But this increase declines sharply when income exceeds $20,000 per year. And there is a lot of research proving that material things do not make us happier. And if you have made a habit of chasing things, you are likely to be unhappy: not only because as soon as you acquire them, disappointment sets in, but also because you acquire these things at the expense of something else, real things , which can make you happier - friends, family, hobbies, etc.

3. Stay home. When we feel unhappy, there is a desire to communicate less with other people. This is a big mistake: communication, even if you don’t get much pleasure from it, has a very positive effect on your mood. There are days when you want to cover yourself with a blanket and not talk to anyone. But the main thing is that it does not become a habit. If you notice that unhappiness is making you antisocial, force yourself to get out of the house and socialize - you will immediately notice the effect.

4. Consider yourself a victim. Unhappy people tend to assume that life is difficult and that it is beyond their control. The world is against them, and nothing can be done about it. The problem with this philosophy is that it instills a feeling of helplessness and prevents you from doing anything to change your life for the better. Again, every person has the right to have such thoughts, but it is important to understand when they cross the line and begin to control you. You are not the only one who experiences bad things, and you have the power to change your future if you take action.

5. Pessimism. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect something bad to happen, the likelihood of that bad thing happening to you increases. Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake—until you realize how irrational they are. Force yourself to study the facts and you will see that everything is not so bad.

6. Complaints. This behavior seems to reinforce itself: the idea of ​​​​how bad everything is reinforces your negative attitude. This doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about what you don't like or what's bothering you. But at some point, complaining stops being purely therapeutic and begins to fuel your dissatisfaction - and also push other people away from you.

7. Making a big deal. Troubles happen to everyone, but happy people see them as temporary difficulties, and unhappy people see them as further proof that the world is against them. Happy man will say: “Oh, that’s a problem - but it can be more serious.” And the unfortunate person will see this as a reminder that this day, this week, this month or his whole life is doomed to be unsuccessful.

8. Ignore problems. Happy people are willing to admit mistakes and responsibility. Unhappy people, on the other hand, see problems and mistakes as a threat and therefore try to hide them. And when you ignore problems, they grow. And the more you do nothing, the stronger the feeling that nothing can be done - and again you feel like a victim.

9. Refusing self-improvement. Unhappy people believe that they have no control over their lives and therefore simply wait for something to happen. They don’t set goals, don’t study, don’t work on themselves, but simply wander on - and then wonder why nothing changes.

10. Trying to keep up with others. Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness. So if you're constantly comparing yourself to others, it's time to stop. In one study, most participants said they wouldn't mind earning less—as long as everyone else earned less. Beware of this approach - not only does it not bring happiness, but on the contrary, it often makes everything worse.