We all know very well that self-esteem plays an important role in our lives. How objectively and, accordingly, correctly we can evaluate ourselves can help us get rid of shortcomings or, on the contrary, become a deterrent on the path to self-development.

To properly evaluate yourself, you need to use the right criteria. The basis on which our self-esteem is formed is as important as choosing the right means of measuring length, volume or weight.

That is why we decided to tell you about typical erroneous criteria for assessing yourself. Check - perhaps the reason for your low or high self-esteem lies in the wrong approach to its formation.

So, what should you not take into account when assessing yourself?

1. Your surroundings

There are two different types dependence of people on the assessment of others. One category of people tends to think that their worth depends on the amount of praise they receive from other people. People of another category feel good only when they are in a relationship.

And there are also people who increase their self-esteem by surrounding themselves with people of high social status. They are overly proud of the fact that they have the opportunity to communicate with “important” people. A social calendar scheduled to the minute and an endless list of personal contacts helps them feel valued.

However, basing your self-worth on what others think of you is like chasing a moving target. You cannot control other people, and it is impossible to please everyone. So if your self-esteem is entirely based on how others perceive you, you will never be able to receive enough praise or positive reinforcement to feel good about yourself.

2. Your official position

It is a career that often helps many people feel valued. A person is simply bursting with pride when he says “I am a co-owner of such and such a company” or “I am a lawyer.” However, it is bursting with him not because of what a person does, but because of the position he occupies.

Evaluating yourself by your job position is a big risk. Why? Because health problems economic crisis or an unexpected change in the job market could ruin your career and lead to a personal crisis. Even planned retirement can unexpectedly lower your self-esteem if your self-awareness is closely tied to your job position. In the absence of a prestigious career, your self-esteem will no longer be the same.

3. Amount of money

You've probably met a person at least once in your life whose self-esteem directly depended on the amount of money he spent on him. bank account. Sometimes people think that they just can't get the amount they need to feel valuable enough. In a desperate attempt to prove their worth, they create the appearance of wealth by going into debt to buy themselves an expensive car or a luxury home. And then they feel successful.

While it is logical to set a monetary value for goods and services, it is absolutely the wrong approach to determining your worth as a person. The amount of money you earn or material assets you own will never be enough to satisfy your need to feel like a worthy person.

4. Your achievements

Sometimes people want to be famous for their achievements. However, a person who uses this criterion for self-esteem only feels good when he talks about his successes. The danger of this approach to self-esteem is also that failure greatly affects their self-esteem.

Of course, it's normal if your achievements make you feel good, but measuring your self-esteem by such achievements is completely wrong. It's like building a house on a dilapidated foundation. In this case, you will have to be constantly successful so as not to feel like a failure. And this is simply impossible.

5. Your appearance

Numbers on the scales and the ability to attract members of the opposite sex due to your appearance - typical mistake when evaluating yourself. Facilities mass media they push into our consciousness the false truth that appearance is perhaps the most basic thing on which our success depends. Marketing Strategies often based on our lack of self-confidence, they take advantage of any flaw - from the first wrinkles to extra pounds.

If nature has blessed you with an attractive appearance, this can serve as an advantage in life. However, remember that beauty does not last forever. And gray hair, wrinkles, hair loss and other signs of aging will primarily be destructive to those whose self-esteem was built on external beauty.

What you base your assessment of yourself on as a person will be a major factor influencing the decisions you make, the thoughts that pop into your head, and how you feel about yourself.

Therefore, remember that using external factors, which are beyond your control, to form self-esteem - this is the wrong approach. It is important to know who you really are. This will help you behave in accordance with your personal values, instead of bending to a changing world.

20.01.2015

Do you assess yourself adequately?

But let's take it one step at a time: is there a problem at all? If there is, then is it as it appears at first glance? And what is the best way to solve it?

Sometimes, when communicating with some female representatives, I get the impression that inadequate self-esteem is inherent in them as physiologically as a large number of estrogen, and also anatomically, like the absence of an Adam's apple. If you think that things are different with men, then you are mistaken. The difference in their case is only in their better ability to hide the fact that they sometimes evaluate themselves inadequately.

As soon as we talk about self-esteem, almost every one of us immediately thinks of its division into low and high. In a world where actions are divided into good and bad, and in films there is a struggle between good and evil, self-esteem also falls under the brunt of duality. In this article we are not going to break the existing pattern, we just want to shift your attention from considering self-esteem in the “low-high” plane to its adequacy in each specific case.

For most of us, it is completely logical that low self-esteem is bad, and high self-esteem is good. Although, if you think sensibly, then in itself, be it low or high, self-esteem does not carry value until it has nothing to do with adequate reality. Its true meaning is manifested in each specific situation in a specific context.
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At any given time, depending on the situation, self-esteem “normally” can be low or high. It is quite normal that a person cannot be competent in all matters. When faced with something about which he has no idea, an adequate level of self-esteem will naturally be low. Admitting this and virtually giving yourself a low score on the self-esteem scale in situations where you are not competent is absolutely normal.

The main question is how these internal mythical balls correspond to reality and how they affect your life, well-being, activity in action and attitude.

Let's say you consider yourself a bad volleyball player, and this means that your internal self-esteem in volleyball games is low. If you have adequately assessed yourself, and this area of ​​activity is not particularly important to you, then low self-esteem will not play practically any role. But, if volleyball is very important to you, then low self-esteem in this case will affect your internal sense of self. And, as a result, in the first case, for example, you can go play chess, and, in the second, sign up for a volleyball section, find a professional coach, watch all the best matches at night and fall asleep with the ball. And such an assessment is adequate. And such conclusions and further work are effective.

But if you have revealed your incompetence in an area that does not play any role in your life, and you wanted to attack it with all your salivary secretions, yes from the highest bell tower, but at the same time, you continue to suffer intensely due to the low assessment of yourself in on this issue, then we congratulate you - the first bell in inadequate self-esteem has just rung.

In such a situation, is it necessary to independently, or with someone else’s help (read the 1st paragraph), determine which category this case should be classified into, and still go to play chess or sign up for a section? This stage is no less difficult than the subsequent ones.

First of all, in this case, you need to find out how significant the chosen area really is for you. Perhaps you tell yourself that this area is not important to you, but in fact, it is difficult for you to accept that all your life you have wanted to become a volleyball player, and now you are simply afraid to admit it to yourself, because you will need to do something to achieve it. your dream. And here there is no other way but to work hard, applying maximum perseverance and strength. But, if this really turns out to be what you want, believe me, the strength will come from somewhere, and the people around you will envy your perseverance.

You will have to work completely differently if you want to be better than someone, and at the same time the field of activity is not important to you, but the specific person who is competing is what matters. In this matter, it is worth understanding why this competition arises, why you need to be cooler, in this area or another. And the main thing here is to correctly understand your motivation and the area in which you want to achieve success and become the best.

If you want to be the best in any area, this is a completely different situation, in which you still have to admit to yourself that it is impossible to be the best in everything and you need to stop wasting energy worrying about your incompetence. Having identified one significant area, it will be possible to direct all efforts to realize oneself in it.

Self-esteem is a subjective parameter, which should be a beacon indicating the direction for development, and not for self-destruction. The level of adequacy can be assessed by the changes in your life that will occur.

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Individual task No. 16 “Do you objectively evaluate yourself?”

(Nekrasov V.P. Sport and character. M., 1986)

Using the given scales (A, B, C) you can not only evaluate some of the traits and features of your character, but also draw up the main directions of your self-education program.

Assignment: for each statement, choose the answer that is closest to you; Sum up the number of points on each scale separately.

Decoding the test - Do you evaluate yourself objectively?

Count and remember the sum of points on each scale.

Individual task No. 16 – “Do you objectively evaluate yourself?”

Scale A

If you score 20 points, your assessment is quite objective. But be careful not to develop any overconfidence.

If, having answered “sometimes” to half of the questions and “often” to the rest, you scored 15 points, your high self-esteem is combined with a critical attitude towards yourself.

If the answers “Sometimes” predominate, and you scored 10 points, you are overly critical of yourself.

If you score 9-15 points, you are self-confident and do not want to work on yourself.

If you score less than 5 points, excessive self-criticism becomes a hindrance in your life.

Scale B

If you score 7-9 points, your determination is quite pronounced.

If you have 10-15 points, you have some uncertainty and anxiety.

If the points are more than 15, you are characterized by excessive indecision and uncertainty.

Scale B

If you score 10-12 points, you show egocentrism, a desire to draw the attention of others to yourself, to be the center of attention.

If the result is 13 points or more, egocentrism is expressed to such a significant degree that it is necessary to pay the most serious attention to overcoming it.