See also funny poems about school for children. The advantages of our funny skits are that they do not require costumes, there is no need to memorize large texts (and the one who plays the role of a teacher can use a printout that can be inserted into a magazine), they need to be rehearsed for a short time. At the same time, these scenes are close to the students. They will be able to laugh at their mistakes, looking at themselves from the outside. Humor, jokes, funny scenes for children about school are well suited for KVN. Also check out School Humor.

1. Sketch "At Russian language lessons"

Teacher: Let's listen to how you learned homework. Whoever answers first will receive a higher point.
Student Ivanov (raises his hand and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, give me three at once!

Teacher: Your essay about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov’s essay!
Student Petrov: Mary Ivanna, Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all of us!

Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful essay, but why isn’t it finished?
Student Sidorov: Because dad was urgently called to work!
Teacher: Koshkin, admit it, who wrote your essay?
Student Koshkin: I don’t know. I went to bed early.
Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to see me tomorrow!
Student Klevtsov: Grandfather? Maybe dad?
Teacher: No, grandfather. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.

Teacher: What kind of word is “egg”, Sinichkin?
Student Sinichkin: None.
Teacher: Why?
Disciple Sinichkin: Because it is unknown who will hatch from it: a rooster or a chicken.

Teacher: Petushkov, determine the gender of the words: “chair”, “table”, “sock”, “stocking”.
Student Petushkov: “Table”, “chair” and “sock” are masculine, and “stocking” is feminine.
Teacher: Why?
Student Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!

Teacher: Smirnov, go to the board, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov comes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates, and the student writes down: “Dad went to the garage.”
Teacher: Ready? We are listening to you.
Student Smirnov: Dad is the subject, gone is the predicate, to the garage is ... a preposition.

Teacher: Guys, who can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Student Tyulkina raises her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Student Tyulkina: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.

Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral “three”.
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a KNITTING factory.

Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the board and write down the sentence.
Student Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates: The guys caught butterflies with nets.
Student Rubashkin writes: The guys caught butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Student Rubashkin: What?
Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?

Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word “dry”?
Student Meshkov stood up and remained silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think about it, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Student Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!

Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, now give me your example.
Student Petushkov: Cat - dog.
Teacher: What does “cat - dog” have to do with it?
Student Petushkov: Well, how about that? They are opposites and often fight with each other.

Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?
Student Sidorov: It’s a pity to waste time during recess!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother fell ill.
Teacher: What do you have to do with it?
Student Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Student Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?

Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a sentence with an appeal.
Student Sushkina: Mary Ivanna, call!

2. Sketch "Correct answer"

Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?
Student: What should we divide, Mikhail Ivanovich?
Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.
Student: And between whom?
Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.
Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.
Teacher: Why is this?
Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.
Teacher: Doesn’t he owe you a plum?
Student: No, I shouldn’t have plums.
Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?
Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.
Teacher: Why four?
Student: Because I don’t like plums.
Teacher: Wrong again.
Student: How many is correct?
Teacher: Now I’ll put the correct answer in your diary!
(I. Butman)

3. Sketch "Our cases"

Characters: teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.
The student goes to the board and prepares to write.
Teacher (dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was silent guiltily, and then promised to improve.”
A student writes from dictation on the board.
Teacher: Great! Underline all the nouns in your story.
The student emphasizes the words: “dad”, “mom”, “Vova”, “behaviour”, “Vova”, “promise”.
Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?
Student: Yes!
Teacher: Start!
Student: “Dad and Mom.” Who? What? Parents. This means the case is genitive.
Scolded someone, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. This means the case is nominative.
Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has the instrumental case.
Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has the accusative case.
Well, the “promise,” of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!
That's all!
Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring me the diary, Petrov. I wonder what mark you would suggest you set for yourself?
Student: Which one? Of course, an A!
Teacher: So, an A? By the way, in what case did you name this word - “five”?
Student: In the prepositional form!
Teacher: In the prepositional form? Why?
Student: Well, I suggested it myself!
(according to L. Kaminsky)

4. Sketch "At mathematics lessons"

Characters: teacher and class students

Teacher: Petrov, you have difficulty counting to ten. I can’t imagine what you can become?
Student Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!

Teacher: Trushkin goes to the board to solve the problem.
Student Trushkin goes to the blackboard.
Teacher: Listen carefully to the statement of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...
Student Trushkin heads to the door.
Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going?!
Student Trushkin: I ran home, I have candy!

Teacher: Petrov, bring the diary here. I'll put your deuce in it yesterday.
Disciple Petrov: I don’t have it.
Teacher: Where is he?
Student Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare his parents!

Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?
Student Vasechkin: Ten rubles.
Teacher: You just don’t know math!
Student Vasechkin: No, you don’t know my brother!

Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, what is three times seven?
Student Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!

Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?
Student Ivanov: Mom doesn’t have free time!

Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.
The students get to work.
Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you copying from Terentyev?
Student Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he’s copying from me, and I’m just checking to see if he did it correctly!

Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer, Shcherbinina.
Student Shcherbinina: This is a mathematical Greek.

5. Sketch "At the lessons of natural history"

Characters: teacher and class students

Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?
Student Petrov holds out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Petrov.
Student Petrov: Tiger, tigress and... three tiger cubs.

Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!
Student Kosichkina: These are the kind of forests in which... it’s good to doze off.

Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.
Student Simakova: Petals, stem, pot.
Teacher: Ivanov, please answer us, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?
Disciple Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.

Teacher: Petrov, what book about famous travelers have you read?
Student Petukhov: “Frog Traveler”

Teacher: Who can answer how the sea differs from the river? Please, Mishkin.
Disciple Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.

Student Zaitsev reaches out his hand.
Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Is there something you want to ask?
Disciple Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from monkeys?
Teacher: True.
Disciple Zaitsev: That’s what I see: there are so few monkeys!

Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the life expectancy of a mouse?
Disciple Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it depends entirely on the cat.

Teacher: Meshkov will go to the board and tell us about the crocodile.
Student Meshkov (coming to the board): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.
Teacher: Think about what you are saying! Is it possible?
Student Meshkov: It happens! For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!

Teacher: Khomyakov, answer, why do people need a nervous system?
Disciple Khomyakov: To be nervous.

Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?
Student Sinichkin: Because I’m terribly worried that the bell might interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.

Teacher: Guys, who can answer where the bird is flying with a straw in its beak?
Student Belkov raises his hand higher than everyone else.
Teacher: Try, Belkov.
Disciple Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Teplyakova, what are the last teeth a person develops?
Student Teplyakova: Inserts, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Now I will ask you a very complex issue, for the correct answer I will immediately give you an A plus. And the question is: “Why is European time ahead of American time?”
Student Klyushkin reaches out his hand.
Teacher: Answer, Klyushkin.
Student Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!

6. Scene “Folder under the mouse”

Vovka: Listen, I’ll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder by the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother ordered.
Andrey: Ha ha ha! It's really funny.
Vovka (surprised): What’s so funny? I haven't even started to tell you yet.
Andrey (laughing): A folder... under your arm! Well thought out. Yes, your folder won’t fit under your arm, he’s not a cat!
Vovka: Why “my folder”? The folder is dad's. You've forgotten how to speak correctly because of laughter, or what?
Andrey: (winking and tapping his forehead): Ah, I guessed it! Grandfather - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, but he also teaches. Now it’s clear: dad’s folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it’s great that you came up with this - funny and with a riddle!
Vova (offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn’t listen to the end, but you laugh and get in the way of talking. And he dragged my grandfather under his arm, what a storyteller he was! I'd rather go home than talk to you.
Andrey (to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?
(I. Semerenko)

7. Sketch "3=7 and 2=5"

Teacher: Well, Petrov? What should I do with you?
Petrov: What?
Teacher: You haven’t done anything all year, you haven’t taught anything. I don’t really know what to put on your report.
Petrov (looking sullenly at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, was engaged in scientific work.
Teacher: What are you talking about? What kind?
Petrov: I decided that all our mathematics was wrong and... proved it!
Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Great Petrov, did you achieve this?
Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanovich! It’s not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this... Archimedes!
Teacher: Archimedes?
Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is only equal to three.
Teacher: What else?
Petrov (solemnly): This is not true! I proved that three equals seven!
Teacher: How is this?
Petrov: But look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?
Teacher: That's right.
Petrov: 35 - 35 =0 - also true. So 15-15 = 35-35. Right?
Teacher: That's right.
Petrov: Let’s take the common factors: 3(5-5) = 7(5-5). Right?
Teacher: Exactly.
Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!
Teacher: Yes.
Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!
Teacher: Yeah! So, Petrov, we survived.
Petrov: I didn’t want to, Ivan Ivanovich. But you can’t sin against science...
Teacher: I see. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?
Petrov: Exactly!
Teacher: 8-8 = 0 - also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?
Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanovich, exactly.
Teacher: Let’s take out the common factors: 5(4-4) = 2(4-4). Right?
Petrov: Right!
Teacher: Then that’s it, Petrov, I’ll give you a “2”!
Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanovich?
Teacher: Don’t be upset, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2=5. Is that what you did?
Petrov: Well, let's say.
Teacher: So I put “2”, who cares. A?
Petrov: No, it doesn’t matter, Ivan Ivanovich, “5” is better.
Teacher: Perhaps it’s better, Petrov, but until you prove this, you will have a D for the year, which, in your opinion, is equal to an A!
Guys, help Petrov.
(Newspaper " Primary School", "Mathematics", No. 24, 2002)

8. Sketch "Schoolboy and salesman"

Characters: a schoolboy and a store sales assistant

Sales consultant: What can I tell you?
Schoolboy: The years of the reign of Nicholas II?
Sales consultant: I don’t know.
Schoolboy: Okay... Pythagorean theorem?
Sales consultant: ... (shrugs)
Schoolboy: Photosynthesis?
Sales consultant: (sighing) I don’t know...
Schoolboy: Well, why are you bothering then with your “What can I tell you?”!!!
(KVN team from Ryazan)

9. Sketch "Schoolchildren at the Stadium"

Characters: schoolchildren and stadium informant

A group of young fans led by a leader loudly chants:
"SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!" "SPARTAK IS A CHAMPION!"
Suddenly the voice of the stadium informant comes on:
Informant's voice: Attention young fans! (young fans stop chanting)
Your history teacher is at the match!
Young fans start chanting:
“SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!” “SPA-RTAC IS A ROMAN SLAVE!”
(KVN team from Ryazan)

10. Sketch “Unnecessary words, or Cool Dnieper in cool weather”

Characters: a cultured adult and a modern schoolboy Vanya Sidorov

Hello, Vanya.
- Hello.
- Well, tell me, Vanya, how are you?
- Wow, things are going strong.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Cool, I say, just one wick froze this. Rolls towards the cage. Let me drive the bike, he says. He sat down and scratched. And here is the teacher. And let him show off. He opened his mitten. Yes, how it gets messy. Himself with a black eye. The teacher almost went crazy, and the bike booed. Laugh. Cool, right?
- Was there a horse there?
- Which horse?
- Well, the one who was laughing. Or I didn't understand anything.
- Well, didn’t you understand anything?
- Come on, let's start all over again.
- Well, let's. So, one wick...
- Without a candle?
- Without.
- What kind of wick is this?
- Well, one guy, a long one, rolled up to the sket...
-What did he ride up on, a bicycle?
- No, the skete had a bicycle.
- Which sket?
- Well, there's only one idiot. Yes, you know him, he walks around here with such a snob.
- With whom, with whom?
- Yes, not with whom, but with what, his nose is in the shape of a snob. Well, let me drive the bike, he says. He sat down and scratched.
- Did he have an itch?
- No, he sawed.
- Well, how did you saw it?
- What did you saw?
- Well, is it big?
- How?
- Well, this same schnobel?
- No, the cat had a snob. And the fuse got a black eye, a blast hit him in the head, and he began to wander around. He opened his mitten, and so he jerked.
- Why the mitten, did he get fussy in the winter?
- Yes, there was no winter there, there was a teacher there.
- Teacher, you mean.
- Well, yes, with a black eye, that is, with a great one, no, with coils. But it was the rolling of the bike that made the bike whoop.
- How did you whoop?
- And so, I’m covered. Into small pieces. Do you understand now?
- Understood. I realized that you don’t know the Russian language at all.
- I don’t know how!
- Can you imagine if everyone spoke like you, what would happen?
- What?
- Remember, at Gogol's. “Wonderful is the Dnieper in calm weather, when its full waters freely and smoothly rush through forests and mountains, neither rustling nor thundering. You look and don’t know whether its majestic width is moving or not” and beyond.” Rare bird will fly to the middle of the Dnieper."
- I remember.
- Now listen to how it sounds in your quirky language: “Cool Dnieper in cool weather, when, roaming and showing off, it saws its cool waves through the forests and mountains. "You don't know whether he's sawing or not. A rare bird with a snout will scratch all the way to the middle of the Dnieper. And if it finishes scratching, it will whoop and throw off its hooves." Do you like?
“I like it,” he said and ran, shouting: “Cool Dnieper in cool weather.”
(Lion Izmailov)

11. Young man in a nightclub

Characters: girl, young man, mother

A girl is sitting at the bar. A young man approaches her.

Young man: Hello, baby! Are you bored?
GIRL: Yes, there is a little.
YOUNG MAN: Shall we come with me? I will give you an unforgettable evening!
GIRL: Sounds like it. But my mother is waiting for me at home at 23-00.
YOUNG MAN: Is mom waiting? Give it up! What, are you 10 years old? Do you go on dates with your mom too? Ha!

Suddenly, someone’s hand confidently takes the young man by the ear. Everyone can see that this is the hand of an older woman.

YOUNG MAN: Mom? What are you doing here?
MOM: What are you doing here?
YOUNG MAN: Well, mom! I…
MOM: I don’t want to hear it! March home!
YOUNG MAN: (to the girl) Baby, I'll call you back!
MOM: Home!
(KVN team from Ryazan)

12. Radiologist's office

Characters: grandmother, boy, radiologist

Radiologist's office: X-ray machine, table, chair. A doctor is sitting at the table.
A little boy and grandmother enter the office.

GRANDMOTHER (pointing to the boy). I've looked through everything and the glasses are nowhere to be found. I think he swallowed them. Just like your grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST (addresses the boy). Have you swallowed granny glasses?
The boy doesn't answer.
GRANDMOTHER. Partisan! Just like your grandfather!
RADIOLOGIST. Are you silent? But now we will enlighten you through and find out everything.
GRANDMOTHER (joyfully). Yep, gotcha! I wish I had something like this at home.
RADIOLOGIST (looks at the picture). Well, well, well... You know... not only does he have glasses here, he also has a wallet with money. I can’t say exactly, but somewhere around three hundred rubles.
GRANDMOTHER. This is not ours, we don’t need someone else’s. The main thing for me is to get glasses, I can’t watch TV without them.
RADIOLOGIST. We'll get it now.
The radiologist approaches the boy, lifts him by the legs and shakes him. Glasses and wallet fall out on the floor.
GRANDMOTHER (grabs her glasses). Thank you very much, doctor. I don’t even know how to thank you. Let me kiss you!
RADIOLOGIST (twists his wallet in his hands). No need. But if possible, I’ll keep the wallet as a souvenir.
GRANDMOTHER. This is not ours, not ours, we don’t need someone else’s.
Grandmother and grandson leave the office.
RADIOLOGIST (loudly). Next!
(A. Givargizov)

Characters:
Dad: Zmey Gorynych
Head teacher: Baba Yaga
Math teacher: Leshy
Geography teacher: Kikimora
Botany Teacher: Witch
Class teacher: Vodyanoy

SERPENT GORYNYCH (flies into the teacher’s room):
...Yes, I told him a hundred times!..
Well, what did he do again?

GOBBLE:
Multiplied the minus with the sine -
Got a minus one!

KIKIMORA:
Confused albinos
With albatross...

WITCH:
Throwing apricots...

KIKIMORA:
Blowing soap bubbles!..

GOBBLE:
On a bet
Swallowed the call!

KIKIMORA:
Yawned the whole lesson
And he infected everyone with yawning!

WATER:
But yesterday
Brought to class
Hippopotamus!!!

GOBBLE:
With this nasty boy
There is no sweetness!

BABA YAGA (unctuously):
Maybe give him poison?..
Or throw it to the wolves?
AM –
And there is no bad student!

KIKIMORA:
Don't get excited, dear Yaga.
In our age
Such measures are outdated.

GOBBLE:
A hundred years ago
We would have it
Certainly,
Ate...
But now
We have
Not many students
In reserve...

WATER:
Agree!
Let's not resort
To extreme measures.

WITCH:
Let's try to entice him
A good example.

SERPENT GORYNYCH (confused):
Mmmm... Less or more...
That is - more or less!..
And yet...

WITCH (interrupts):
A...
Understand!
Your example is not good...
But boy
Doesn't want to study at all!

BABA YAGA:
Oh, what a hassle there is with children!..

DRAGON:
Lock him in the closet - let him learn his lessons!
And if he doesn't stop yawning...

ALL IN CHORUS:
We'll turn it around
In chewing gum
And we will
SLOWLY
Chew!
(E. Lipatova)

14. Daily routine

Characters:

Schoolboy Vova
Schoolboy Petya

PETER:
- Do you, Vova, know what a regime is?

VOVA:
- Certainly! Regime... Regime is where I want, I jump there.

PETER:
- Wrong! A regime is a daily routine. Are you doing it?

VOVA:
- I even exceed it.

PETER:
- Like this?

VOVA:
- According to the schedule, I need to walk twice a day, but I walk four!

PETER:
- No, you are not exceeding it, but breaking it! Do you know what the daily routine should be?

VOVA:
- I know! Climb. Charger. Washing. Making the bed. Breakfast. School. Dinner. Walk. Prep. Walk.

PETER:
- Fine.

VOVA:
- And it can be even better.

PETER:
- How is this?

VOVA:
- Like this! Climb. Breakfast. Walk. Lunch. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Tea. Walk. Dinner. Walk. Dream.

PETER:
- Oh no. Under this regime, you will turn out to be lazy and ignorant.

VOVA:
- Will not work.

PETER:
- Why?

VOVA:
- Because with my grandmother we follow the entire regime.

PETER:
- How is it with your grandmother?

VOVA:
- Yes. I do half of it, and grandma does half of it. And together we get the whole regime.

PETER:
- I don't understand!

VOVA:
- Very simple. I do the lifting. The grandmother does the exercises. Washing - grandma. Making the bed - grandma. Breakfast is me. Walk - me. Preparing lessons - my grandmother and I. Walk - me. Lunch is me.

PETER:
- Aren’t you ashamed?! Now I understand why you are so undisciplined.

https://site/smeshnye-scenki-dlya-detej/

15. About Pushkin

Two duelists stand opposite each other. One of them is Pushkin.

Second: Come together!

Pushkin and his opponent raise their pistols. They approach the barriers. Pushkin's opponent fires a shot. Pushkin lies wounded. The enemy approaches the wounded Pushkin.

Pushkin: For what?

Pushkin's opponent: Bastard! Because of you, I was left for the second year in literature!!!

16. School riddles

Characters: Schoolboy, his friend - Vovka Sidorov

SCHOOLBOY (addressing confidentially to the audience, pointing with his hand at a friend standing nearby):
And Vovka Sidorov from our class is such a slowpoke! I came across interesting riddles here about school affairs, and the answers should be in rhyme. Of course, I guessed everything right away, and then I decided to test Vovka’s intelligence.

SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
Here, guess the riddle in rhyme: “The time between two bells is called...”

VOVKA SIDOROV (instantly):
Turn!

SCHOOLBOY:
Well, that’s right, “change” is appropriate, but the answer must be in rhyme!

VOVKA SIDOROV (offended):
Yeah, I said it myself, that’s right, and then you start...

SCHOOLBOY:
Okay, let me tell you another riddle, just think about it before you tell me the answer. “The athlete told us: Everyone go to the sports hall...”

VOVKA SIDOROV (shouts out):
Shop!

SCHOOLBOY:
Which store? For what? Where did you see him?

VOVKA SIDOROV:
What do you mean why? I need to buy new sneakers, otherwise the sole of mine is already falling behind on my left foot. And the sporting goods store is right opposite the school. You've seen him a hundred times too.

SCHOOLBOY (towards the hall):
Well, what can you prove to him here!

SCHOOLBOY (to Vovka Sidorov):
But can you guess this riddle in rhyme? “Schools are not simple buildings; in schools they receive...”

VOVKA SIDOROV:
On the head! Yesterday I almost didn’t touch Lenka Petrova’s bow, but she hit me on the head with a book, bam-bang.

SCHOOLBOY:
Listen to another riddle: “And today I got a grade again...”

VOVKA SIDOROV (shouting):
I got a C, C again in math.

SCHOOLBOY (addressing the audience in the hall):
Well, Vovka is slow-witted! What a slowpoke! Although... I look, his face is cunning and cunning. Maybe he was playing a trick on me? Today is April 1st!!!
(Leonid Medvedev)

17. About parents

A man in a clothing store dials a number on his cell phone.

Man: Hello, dear! ... Has our Bear done his homework? … Yes? What about his diary? Good, yes?! So, did he clean the room?! Crap! Have you eaten soup?! Nothing... I just went into the store, and there was a sale on belts!

School life is full of events - funny and sad, simple and complex, serious and not so serious - but always exciting. It is not for nothing that books and films “about school” are loved by all generations of former and current students. If you approach school situations with lightness and humor, you can have fun, and some problems, if you look at them from this angle, will be solved by themselves. To do this you just need to play! Scenes from school life You don’t even need to remember - these scenes are already collected in our collection. And not simple ones, you will find here the newest skit original from the author of “Kolobok on new way", an opera skit that will amuse any group, as well as fairy tale skits. Joint creativity makes people closer. Share your scripts with us.

Humorous fairy tales for children for school and camp

Comic New Year's scene- the opera “ABOUT THE HARE” - funny until you drop, for an adult group and high school classes

Everyone sings in the skit as best they can, the funnier the better. The main thing is to rehearse 2-3 times and you will be the highlight of the evening :-) You should first listen to the cartoon “The Bunny Went Out for a Walk.”

The photo below shows our 8th grade, mid-80s... We once staged this musical scene about the hare. While we were rehearsing, we laughed so hard, we could barely contain ourselves from laughing during the performance. 🙂 We came up with folders for the surroundings; words are learned very easily.

Chorus:
Oh, meadow ant grass,
Oh, you dear hare side!
We are sure that it will be late or early
The bunny will go out for a walk in the clearing.
One two three four five…
One two three four five…
One two three four five…
One two three four five…
One-two-three-four, one-two-three-four,
One-two-three-four-five-a-at...
…Came out!!
Hare: (tenor)
I went out into the forest for a walk,
I'm scared, I'm scared,
My soul is full of foreboding...
My soul... My soul-ah...
...Full of foreboding. The soul is full...

Chorus: His premonitions did not deceive him!
Hunter: (bass)
So where are you? I need you.
You deigned to eat my carrots!
Chorus:
What a shame, what a shame!
Our hare is a thief, our hare is a thief!
What a shame, what a shame!
Our hare is a thief, our hare is a thief!
Hare:
Not true!
Chorus:
Is it true!
Hare:
Not true!
Chorus:
Is it true!
Hare:
...I didn't eat carrots!
Hunter:
To the barrier!
Hare:
To the barrier!
Chorus:
Now someone's blood will be shed,
Now it will spill...
It will spill...
One male voice from the choir:
It's pouring...
Hare:
Oh, will my sideways eyes really close forever?
And I won’t see you, my love!
My love!
My love, my carrots!
Forever yours, my dear-a-a-a-a-a-a...
Hunter:
Now. Now. Now. Now…
Bang! Pow!
Hare:
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Hunter:
My little bunny is dying!
The choir sings vocalise and cries.
Hare:
They'll bring me home
I'll be alive...
Chorus:
And more than once
A bunny will come out
Take a walk!
And more than once
The bunny will come out for a walk!
Walk!
Walk!
Walk-walk-walk!
a curtain

The final, fifth parody (“opera”) ends with a bravura chorus “And the bunny will come out for a walk more than once!..”. In the script, this vocal number is not interrupted at this line, but has a continuation: “... the words cannot be heard, it is incomprehensible, it is incomprehensible - and I don’t care!” But censorship forbade performing this line in the cartoon, considering it a libel on Soviet opera.

Kolobok in a new way - original from the author

(reprinting of material is permitted only using a backlink)

Once upon a time there lived a grandfather and a woman far away, in a camp,

They gnawed on bread and ate porridge. They were just sad.

They had no children, no grandchildren,

That is why sadness, melancholy, and ruin came to them.

And the woman and grandfather decided not to be sad, not to toil,

It’s better to go to the dining room with a cheerful song!

We walked together at a friendly pace, scraped together a little flour,

Oils, sugar and salt! These are such weirdos!

The woman thought of baking a pie from that composition,

But while I was fiddling with the dough, it turned out to be a bun!

That kolobok was cooled down,

put it on the window

They gave us a little rest.

But they forgot one thing:

After all, they read the fairy tale more than once,

But they didn’t believe that the fairy tale was a real story!

That little bun rolled!

I'm tired of lying down!

He leaned his elbows on the threshold and started running.

He sees the director of the camp dear on the way

He looks at the unsociable miracle with a surprised look!

Kolobok sang a song here, which finished off the director,

But he learned from his experience, the director praised him!

He didn’t kick him out of the camp, and didn’t want to eat him,

But I only wished him success and a lot of happiness.

Told him to stay out of sight of the other kids,

Otherwise he will have to find out as a tear rolls from his eyes.

The kids will make you have fun and jump,

They’ll teach you to dance and sing, and won’t let you sleep.

But our hero, a brave fellow, did not heed the advice,

And with joy and enthusiasm he quickly jumped to the children.

He was, of course, surprised at first by the children's exploits.

They tickled him and made him jump faster!

I had to invent games for them, and dance and sing songs,

They had no time to get him and torture him!

But the bun got used to them and learned to live with them,

And now grandma and grandpa don’t have to grieve either.

The director said with obvious admiration that he couldn’t be better!

You will be the main counselor here! After all, there is no one cooler here!

Since then, in that camp there has been a competition for the best counselor,

But it’s still hard to find a better kolobok!

“The Prince at the Gate” (sketch for school and holiday camp)
Prince: Knock Knock.
Servant: Who's there?
Prince: I'm the prince behind the gates.
Servant: We must report to the king. Your Majesty,
King: (He's a prince.) What's happened?
Servant: There's a prince outside the gates.
King: So give him the gate.
Servant: Take the gate.
Prince: But I don't need a gate.
Servant: What do you need?
Prince: I need the princess's hand.
Servant:
King: (He's a prince) What's happened?
Servant: There's a prince outside the gates.
King: Well, give him the gate!
Servant: But he doesn't need a gate.
King: What does he need?
Servant: He needs the princess's hand!
King:
Queen: (She's a servant) What happened, darling?
King: There's a prince outside the gates.
Queen: Well, give him the gate!
King: Give up the gate!
Servant: Take the gate.
Prince: But I don't need a gate.
Servant: What do you need?
Prince: I need the princess's hand.
Servant: I need to report to the king. Your Majesty!
King: (He's a prince) What's happened?
Servant: There's a prince outside the gates.
King: Well, give him the gate!
Servant: But he doesn't need a gate.
King: What does he need?

Servant: He needs the princess's hand!
King: I need to consult my wife! Expensive!
Queen:(She's a servant) What happened, darling?
King: There's a prince outside the gates.
Queen: Well, give him the gate!
King: Give up the gate!
Servant: Take the gate!
Prince: But I don't need a gate.
Servant: What do you need?
Prince: I need the princess's hand.
Servant: I need to report to the king. Your Majesty!
King: (He's a prince) What's happened?
Servant: There's a prince outside the gates.
King: Well, give him the gate!
Servant: But he doesn't need a gate.
King: What does he need?
Servant: He needs the princess's hand!
King: I need to consult my wife! Expensive!
Queen: (She's a servant) What happened, darling?
King: There's a prince outside the gates.
Queen: Well, give him the gate!
King: But he doesn't need a gate.
Queen: What does he need?
King: He wants our daughter's hand.
Queen:
Princess: What?!
Queen: There's a prince outside the gates!
Princess: Well, give him the gate!
Queen: Give up the gate.
King: Give back the gate.
Servant: Take the gate.
Prince: But I don't need a gate.
Servant: What do you need?
Prince: I need the princess's hand.
Servant: I need to report to the king. Your Majesty!
King: (He's a prince) What's happened?
Servant: There's a prince outside the gates.
King: Well, give him the gate!
Servant: But he doesn't need a gate.
King: What does he need?
Servant: He needs the princess's hand!
King: I need to consult my wife! Expensive!
Queen: (She's a servant) What happened, darling?
King: There's a prince outside the gates.
Queen: Well, give him the gate!
King: But he doesn't need a gate.
Queen: What does he need?
King: He wants our daughter's hand.
Queen: I need to talk to the princess! Darling!
Princess: (She's a king, she's a servant) What?!
Queen: There's a prince outside the gates!
Princess: Well, give him the gate!
Queen: But he doesn't need a gate!
Princess: What does he need?!
Queen: He needs your hand!
Princess: NO!
Queen: No.
King: No.
Servant: No.
Prince: Absolutely not?
Servant: Absolutely not?
King: Absolutely not?
Queen: Absolutely not?
Princess: Exactly. NO.
Queen: Absolutely not.
King: Absolutely not.
Servant: Absolutely not.
Prince: Well, at least give me the gate!

There are different funny scenes with different plots - dramatic, humorous, artistic, etc. Absolutely any plot can be chosen for the sketch - from your own idea to an already existing idea. You can write your own script based on your own unique idea or plot. You can write a script for a finished work, a film, a fairy tale, or act out some story.

18 Mar 2012

02 Jun 2012

Dear birthday girl, dear guests! You've all probably heard the expression: “Why are you walking around with shaggy hair like a shishiga?! Comb your hair!” So, I hasten to please you: just such a client arrived at our birthday girl’s birthday! Meet Shishiga, my friends!

(A participant in the scene comes out dressed as Shishiga; it will be funnier if he is a large man, dressed in a woman’s dress and with very shaggy hair or a shaggy wig.
Shishiga sings to the tune of the song “Longing for the Motherland” from the film. "Seventeen Moments of Spring")

Read on for the continuation of this scene.

27 May 2012

(two participants, dressed in new Russian grandmothers, come out dancing and sing a verse to the tune of ditties):

We neither sow nor plow,
But we don’t sit idle!
On the anniversary we sing and dance,
Let's make birthday people laugh!

Matryona (speaks):

Flower, oh Flower! Why are you so wrinkled today, like a roll of toilet paper?

Flower:

Oh, don’t tell me, Matryona! I didn’t sleep all night, I kept thinking, how better can we congratulate our birthday boy than to please him on such a day?!

Continuation funny scene read further

Several cool, funny skits that will help you amuse any audience.

"MISUNDERSTANDING" SCENE FOR TWO.

She: Hello!

Him: Hello!

She: What are you talking about?

Him: I carry different things.

She: Awkward? Why are they awkward?

Him: You yourself are absurd, as I can see. I carry different things. Different! Understood? Here, I bring chalk.

She: What did you fail?

Him: Leave me alone!

She: But you say “failed.” What did you fail?

Him: I’m bringing chalk!!! You need to listen. I'm carrying chalk. Mishka. He will need it.

She: Well, if his wife gets it for him, why are you talking about it?

Him: Wife? Which wife? Is this Mishka’s wife? Oh, you joker! I said: “He’ll have to.” It will be necessary, that is.

She: That's it!

Him: And I also have good news for Mishka: I found the brand that he had been looking for for so long.

She: Tamarka?

She: And nothing? Cute?

Him: Beautiful. So green.

She: Wait, wait... Is that her hair, green or something?

Him: Who has hair?

She: Yes, at Tamarka!

Him: Which Tamarka?

She: Well, you said it yourself: “Tamarka was found...”

Him: Ta! Mark! The brand, you know, that Mishka has been looking for for a long time. There's an arch drawn there!

She: Yeah! After all, Tamarka is drawn! Drawn, right? That's what I would say.

Him: Get rid of your Tamarka, you stupid head! The arch is drawn there! Arch! Can't you even understand this? I have no time!

She: Bye! Be careful not to lose your awkward things.

Him: Fuck you!

She: Yes! Stop, stop!

Him: Well, what else?

She: Say hello.

She: Knows who: Tamarka, Mishka and Mishka’s wife!

FUNNY SKETCH ABOUT SCHOOL
Teacher: Smirnov, go to the board, write down and analyze the sentence.
Student Smirnov comes to the blackboard.
The teacher dictates, and the student writes down: “Dad went to the garage?”
Teacher: Ready? We are listening to you.
Smirnov: Dad is the subject, gone is the predicate, going to the garage is the preposition.

Teacher: Guys, who can come up with a sentence with homogeneous members?
Student Tyulkina raises her hand.
Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.
Tyulkina: There were no trees, bushes, or grass in the forest.

Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the numeral “three?”.
Student Sobakin: My mother works at a KNITTING factory.

Teacher: Rubashkin, go to the board and write down the sentence.
Teacher: The guys caught butterflies with nets.
Rubashkin writes: The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.
Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inattentive?
Rubashkin: What?
Teacher: Where have you seen bespectacled butterflies?

Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word dryish??
Student Meshkov stood up and remained silent for a long time.
Teacher: Well, think about it, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?
Meshkov: What kind? Dryish!

Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat - thin, cry - laugh, day - night. Petushkov, now give me your example.
Student Petushkov: Cat - dog.
Teacher: What does a cat and a dog have to do with it??
Petushkov: Well, how about that? They are opposites and often fight with each other.

Teacher: Sidorov, why do you eat apples in class?
Sidorov: It’s a pity to waste time during recess!
Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?
Disciple Sidorov: My older brother fell ill.
Teacher: What do you have to do with it?
Sidorov: And I rode his bike!
Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?
Teacher: Sushkina, come up with a sentence with an appeal.
Sushkina: Mary Ivanna, call!

ANNOYING CONSULTANT.

BUYER: Tell me, do you have a book? 100 Great Idols of the 20th Century??
CONSULTANT: She's been gone for a long time
BUYER: HUH? WE SPEAK RUSSIAN with Marina Koroleva??
CONSULTANT: No. But can I recommend? Dahl's EXPLANATORY DICTIONARY?
BUYER: I'm not interested. Is there a book? French??
CONSULTANT: There is no such thing
BUYER: Eh? TWILIGHT? for my daughter?
CONSULTANT: No either.
BUYER: Huh?
CONSULTANT: (interrupts) Do you have a book? How to leave the consultant and look for books yourself?

SKETCH ABOUT SCHOOL

Ivanov: Where are you going?
Sidorkin: I'll quit algebra! They will ask me, but I am not ready.
Ivanov: Come on! They ask those who have it written all over their faces? I’m not ready!?.
Sidorkin: You see!
Ivanov: So you have to act as if you are ready! Autotraining!
Sidorkin: What?
Ivanov: Self-hypnosis! Repeat after me: I’m all ready for algebra!
Sidorkin: I’m all ready for algebra
Ivanov: I completed my homework!
Sidorkin: I did my homework
Ivanov: All three problems and five exercises!
Sidorkin: All three problems and five exercises! How many???
Ivanov: Don't get distracted
During auto-training, they did not notice how the teacher entered the class.
Teacher: Sidorkin, what do I hear, are you ready for the lesson?!! Go to the board.
Sidorkin confidently walks towards the board.
Sidorkin: I’m all ready for algebra! I did my homework! All three tasks and five exercises!
Teacher: Well, write exercise 87 on the board
Sidorkin: I did my homework! All three tasks and five exercises!
Teacher: I don’t understand anything! Show me your notebook!
Sidorkin carries a notebook. The teacher is watching.
Teacher: Sidorkin, Sidorkin! And how confidently he walked... Two! Sit down.
Sidorkin and Ivanov are sitting at a desk. There is a premonition of trouble on Sidorkin’s face.
Sidorkin: Eh, at home they’ll ask: “How was it at school?” - And I'm screwed.
Ivanov: We need auto-training. Repeat after me: I’m doing great in algebra! And good in physics! The glass broke on its own during recess!
Sidorkin: now I’ll hit you with an auto-trained hand

(After a short ringing, the door opens. A middle-aged woman stands there, dressed modestly, in a long skirt. In her hands are brochures and books. She quietly repeats the memorized text under her breath)

Woman: Hello, tell me, do you believe in God? If you are having difficulties in life, you don’t know who to turn to...

(At the same time, her head slowly rises. The woman screams and faints. A demon with horns and a trident in his hands is standing on the threshold. Loud music is heard from the apartment, a guy in an angel costume runs out)

Angel: Listen, of course, I understand everything, it’s Halloween, but let’s not open the door anymore, otherwise the third fainting spell in the evening is too much...

Please fill us up, but at a higher price, at least every day!

(There is a knock on the door, a man is standing on the threshold, an alcoholic opens it for him)

Neighbor: Listen, you're flooding us!
Alcoholic: (hiccupping) How long ago?
Neighbor: Of course, a long time ago.
Alcoholic: Why didn’t you come earlier?
Neighbor: Because before, high-quality whiskey flowed from my ceiling, but now only cheap port! Do something about it.

An experienced massage therapist doesn’t care who comes for treatments

There is a knock on the door and a healthy middle-aged man opens it. On the threshold, a woman in a tight dress with bright makeup sticks out her leg.

Woman: Well, dear, I’m coming to you.
Man: Of course, I understand that there would be a lot of work for me here, but you are unlikely to come to me.
Woman: What, am I really not suitable?
Man: No, what are you talking about, your brisket is really okay, legs and thighs too, although the sirloin part let us down, but that’s okay. The masseur doesn't care. His door is next door, you are mistaken.
Woman: Who are you then?
Man: I'm a butcher, madam.

If Stalin had the Internet in ancient times

(A guy with a laptop bursts into Stalin’s office and busily places it on the table)
Stalin: What is this?
Guy: Internet
Stalin: And what do I need it for?
Guy: What's that like? Everything is written about everyone here.
Stalin: Come on, tell me, when will the war end?
Guy: (entering a request) May 9 next year.
Stalin: Hmm, good date, spring, I should write it down. What about our nuclear development?
Guy: Wikipedia says that the development of the first atomic bomb will end only in 1949.
Stalin: Okay, we won't have to wait long. Well, is there anything about me there?
Guy: Of course there is, Comrade Stalin! It is written: Joseph Vissarionovich was a state leader until his death in 1953...
Stalin: Whaaaat? What kind of death? Shoot!
Guy: But why me? That's what it says on the Internet.
Stalin: Who's in charge?
Guy: But there is no main thing, everything is on its own.
Stalin: Security, exile him to the Urals, no computers or Internet!

(The guy is taken away)

Stalin: Look, what young people have gone. In itself they have everything. Now I’ll write to Lavrenty Pavlovich, let him shoot the hackers, stop the production of computers, and let him direct all his efforts to atomic development.

Stalin always keeps his word and is ready for decisive action

(Stalin sits at the table with his entourage, 6 people in total. He takes out a chess piece from his bosom)

Stalin: You all know that the situation in our country is not easy. Therefore, I decided to choose a successor from among you, in case of emergency. The one who takes this figurine will become him.

(Throws the chess set on the table, those close to her rush to her, except for one. After grunting and confusion, the winner stands up with the piece held high.)

Stalin: Ay, well done! Send everyone to exile in Siberia, and you will be their boss. Stalin always keeps his word. And you (points to the one who remained sitting) will be shot. For lack of initiative! Security, take everyone away!

The best funny scenes for a fun company

Read the classics and become a fatal seductress

(A modestly dressed woman, clearly educated and intelligent, addresses a consultant in a bookstore)

Woman: Please tell me, do you have anything...well...how can I say this...well, something on such topics, you know...very intimate and frank...advice in general?

Seller: Of course there is, here you go “The Best Sex Lessons: How to Become a Seductress.”

Woman: I just have a daughter, she’s dating a boy. And they seem to be reading the classics, but don’t get me wrong, because I’m a mother, I’m worried.

Saleswoman: You would have said so right away, here you go!

(He takes out the volume “War and Peace.” The woman begins to leaf through the book, and among the pages we see packages of condoms. The woman looks at the saleswoman with wide open eyes, and she winks at her and nods)

What do young and old people buy in a bookstore?

(Scene in a bookstore. Cookery section)

Seller: Hello, how can I help you?
Buyer: Good afternoon. I'm looking for a book, it's called "About Tasty and Healthy Food."
Seller: You know, it is sold in two volumes. Which one do you need?
Buyer: Is there a fundamental difference?
Seller: Well, of course. The first volume is more often read by young people, it is called “About Tasty Food”, but the second volume is of interest to older people, it is called “On Healthy Food”.

Who will go to work and do things?

(Scene in a cell phone store. The salesman is showing the latest phone models to the customer)

Seller: Look, this model is very comfortable. This phone broadcasts everything you see directly to the Internet.
Buyer: What, and even from the bathroom?

Seller: Well, of course! Very cool, isn't it? But this model is suitable for those who really like to give likes. It has a keyboard that you can always carry with you, and a projector to see everything on any surface.
Buyer: Well, yes, and its price is appropriate, like a car...

Seller: Well, if this price doesn’t suit you, I can offer you a stunning model! There is everything, even a folding knife, a bill acceptor, a folding tent and a survival kit.
Buyer: How can I make calls from it?

Seller: Why would you call from him? This function was removed as unnecessary.
Buyer: No, this doesn’t suit me at all, goodbye.

Seller: No, wait! Most the best option for you from the popular pear company! This phone can do everything, it will even go to work for you!

Dad can do anything and more

(A young guy comes to the pharmacy where his father works)

Guy: Dad, hi, today the guys and I are going to the cottage.
Dad: Ha-ha, yes, yes, son, I understand, do you need anything with you?

Guy: Well, yes, you remember what happened last time... Come on, so that now there is enough for everyone, otherwise the girls will start squealing that they have been ruined all the fun, and the guys won’t like this situation either.
Dad: Olesya! Bring the largest pack of condoms from the warehouse. (The queue is warily watching what is happening.) And also bring a couple of bottles of iodine and brilliant green.

Guy: Do you think this is enough?
Dad: This time there will definitely be enough balloons for everyone, go blow them up and color them!

What kind of old ladies are there in queues these days?

(A scene in a pharmacy. There is a huge line, a wizened old woman comes up from behind, looks at all the people, tries to squeeze through, but they don’t let her in. Then she calmly takes out a mask-hat, puts it on, then a gun appears from her purse)

Old lady: Everyone on the floor, don’t move! This is a robbery!

(The line falls to the floor with a squeal, the old woman takes off her mask and confidently approaches the cash register)

Old lady: I’d like a couple of bottles of Corvalol, please, and two packs of Validol. Look what kind of people they are, you can’t survive without a gun!

We entertain guests with original skits

Try these funny and short children's skits for 2 people.

Burglars can also make mistakes and mix up apartments

(The room is dark, two robbers suddenly appear, lighting their way with flashlights, talking in a whisper)

First: It seems that everything is correct. The apartment is good, there is something to live on.
Second: Well, yes, gold, dishes, that chandelier... just like at my house. The owner is clearly wealthy.
First: Look, the plasma is huge! I've always wanted one like this!
Second: Give up this plasma, they cost a penny now, but they work every other time, I have the same one at home.
(He comes up, presses the buttons, nothing happens)
He's not working either. Let's look for the safe.

First: Already found it. The castle is complicated, I've never seen anything like it, we'll be fiddling around for a long time.
Second: Long... long... Give it here. (Confidently types the code, the safe opens)
First: Look how clever you are with him, have you met anyone like him before?
Second: (Sighs) Turn on the light, come on.
First: Why?
Second: This is my safe. Turn it on, I say.

The first robber turns on the light and spreads his hands.

How can you quickly get to your doctor?

(A wife and her husband make their way to the dentist’s office. The husband has a swollen cheek bandaged. He mumbles and whines listlessly)

Husband: Well, look at the queue here, we definitely won’t get in today, let’s better go tomorrow.
Wife: Just wait, stop whining, now I’ll do everything.
Husband: Well, maybe it’s not necessary, I can be patient. It hurts less now, really, look.
Wife: I said that today means today. Wait.

(She pushes everyone away and breaks into the office, her voice can be heard from there)

Wife: What are you doing? Who taught you anyway? The instruments are completely dull, they are not disinfected, the assistant generally sleeps!

(Heart-rending female screams can be heard, the line to the office is slowly thinning, the husband sits white-faced, the wife leaves the office and addresses her husband in a hoarse voice)

Wife: Well, you see, I said that you will see a doctor today. Come on, come in. I’ll rush to the otolaryngologist, otherwise I’ve lost my voice.

When can hypnosis be useful in family life?

Option one:
(A woman enters a psychologist's office)

Woman: Hello. Last week my husband and I had a hypnosis session with you, remember? You also convinced him that he is a dog. So, this is still going on, can you help us?
Psychologist: I understand, bring him here, let’s return him to the image of a person.

Woman: No, you know, overall I’m happy with everything. The house is quiet, he is affectionate, plays with me, kisses me all the time, doesn’t drink, doesn’t watch football, doesn’t even plan to go fishing.

Woman: Make him stop dragging fleas from the street!

Option two:
(A man enters a psychologist's office)

Man: Hello. Last week my wife and I attended a hypnosis session with you. You convinced her that she is a cat, and this continues to this day. Can you help us please?
Psychologist: I understand, bring your wife here, let's return her to a human image.

Man: No, you know, in general, everything suits me. No screaming, no hysterics, I can easily drink beer with friends, she even let me go fishing.
Psychologist: And what is the problem then?

Man: Make her stop licking herself! And these hairballs are just disgusting!

Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish the patient from the psychiatrist

(The patient comes to see a psychiatrist)

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality
Doctor: And who are they?
Patient: One is me, and the second is you.
Doctor: So, do both exist?
Patient: Well, of course!
Doctor: Well, you're probably sick. And what does the second personality tell you?
Patient: That I'm sick and that you don't exist.
Doctor: How can I not exist if this is me?
Patient: But according to your logic, one of us shouldn’t exist.
Doctor: Can you see me?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: And I see you. Yes, something is not well with me...
Patient: Then give me a certificate that I am healthy.
Doctor: Yes, of course. And come see me tomorrow. Both.

The perfect girl will become your best friend

(Scene in a therapist's office, a patient enters with a deflated rubber doll under his arm)

Patient: Hello, doctor, my girlfriend and I are having problems.
Doctor: Where is your girlfriend?

Patient: Well, there she is. Everything was wonderful before, but now she is somehow sad, drooping, and out of shape. I don't know what to do. First I was referred to a psychiatrist. But for some reason they tried to treat me, not her. But everything is fine with me. Help us please.

Doctor: But do you understand that your girlfriend is rubber? And I treat people, living people, you know?

Patient: Why is it worse?! Beautiful, well-groomed, modest and quiet. She agrees with everything, never gets on my nerves, puts on what I want, puts on makeup the way I like. She doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and has no friends. Doesn't change. Lets me drink beer and watch football.

(The doctor takes the doll, inflates it, returns it to the nervous patient)
Doll: Thank you. Honey, let's go to bed!

Patient: Thank you very much, I knew that you would help us!
Doctor: Eh, people are lucky. But I was a fool, I got married, and I remain a fool.

Funny short skits - fun ideas