Best statuses and aphorisms about work

M I didn’t really like my last job, but my mother said that it was impossible to work all my life as a sofa driver.

X I want to work ... at the opera ... came ... screamed ... and that's it ... went home ...)

A Do you know the difference between "AT WORK" and "WORK"?

T rudo fuck off

IN I just can’t get used to the fact that when the boss asks me “how are you?”, he means him, not me ...

At Work has three pluses: Friday, salary and vacation.

H The boss comes to work on time on the day you are late and is late on the days you are on time.

AND you wait for the end of the working day, you come home, and then - bam! — and the second shift in the kitchen!

R I don't want to work, but every day greed wins over laziness.

TO how much tedious work the meager mind of the authorities prepares for us ...

WITH casually sweating, do not forget to show yourself to the authorities.

H Take time to rest, because there is always work, and life tends to end.

IN poured into new team... I especially liked their tradition: any remark from the chef is considered a toast.

At impress your boss. Come to work on time.

WITH I have a strange job - they give tasks like a smart one, and they give a salary like a fool ...

ABOUT I love my job... Three stacks of papers. The first must be done urgently, the second - very urgently, and the third - yesterday!

TO he gets up early, he hasn’t been cut yet ...

ABOUT it seems that even Chukovsky wrote about my work: "And such rubbish all day long - either a seal calls, or a deer"

P pretend to be a fool - do something nice for the boss ...

H To work normally - click now the cross in the upper right corner ...

P seasonal office work: hibernation… spring beriberi… summer indifference… autumn depression…

P oh, I'm pregnant - I'm sick of work and drawn to the salty sea!

TO When the boss says "we should get a nosebleed," he never means his own nose.

P go to file:
C:\Crap at work\Hemorrhagic\Stupid clients\Non-payers\Oh… eaten\Dear Sergey Anatolyevich. doc

WITH hardest job for women! Everyone needs 18-year-old girls with 30 years of work experience, with two degrees and adult children!

R WORK, WORK - switch to Fedot, from Fedot to his brother, and their salary to me!

ABOUT troubles at work in Russian: at 12:00 everyone was blown away shopping. At 13:00 everyone returned and sat down to dinner.

1

An excellent profession - the boss is busy all the time, but you do nothing ...

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The boss is like a bad wife - you have to agree with all his stupidity, if only he would just fall behind.

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Nervous is the one who yells at his boss. The one who yells at his subordinates is boorish.

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The chief that "tamagotchi" - yells when he wants.

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The boss is always right, but it is human to err.

The director is the same person as everyone else, it's a pity he doesn't know about it.

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It is bad when mediocre people become immediate bosses.

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Leading means not interfering good people work.

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If you're the boss and you believe your people love you and will never leave you, well, maybe it's time. good time look in the mirror.

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The boss is getting promoted. He looks into his department to say goodbye: - Thanks for everything, guys! How will you be here without me? It’s even a pity for you: they’ll appoint some fool instead of me ... A plaintive voice is heard: - Well, they’ll give you a fool again ...

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If your employer treats you well, then he is underpaying you.

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Chief, remember! White (not tanned) color indicates employees who still want to go on vacation!

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Your boss comes to work on time on the day you are late and is late on the days you are on time.

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Nothing rushes you to work in the morning like your boss's car in the rearview mirror...

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For some reason, when the boss calls from work at 10 pm and says: "GOOD evening!", you feel in your spinal cord that this evening will not be good ...

Statuses about good work:

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A decent salary is when you already need to receive the next one, but you haven’t spent the previous one yet.

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Cool work is when you are late for half an hour, you meet the boss, and he tells you: well done, today you are the first to come!

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Who is looking for a job two in five, salary 85000-100000, vacation 54 days??? Call us, let's search together!

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Explanatory note for a latecomer to work: I came to work at 10.00, and not by 8.00, because no one does anything until 10.00 anyway, they only drink tea, and I can’t drink so much tea.

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I worked hard today, and I realized that today is Friday only when the director ran away at 4 o'clock, shouting "Who is the last - that sucker!"

The boss is not always right, but he is ALWAYS THE BOSS!!!

(English saying)

Our boss is a liar. But fair. He deceives everyone without exception.

You can only rely on what resists.

Blaise Pascal

A weak person hesitates before making a decision; strong - after.

Karl Kraus

Treat those below as you would like to be treated by those above.

Seneca

It is more difficult to control those who are hungry for fame and pleasure than those who are hungry for bread.

P. Buast

If something does not reach you, then you are either dumb or a big boss.

The boss joked exhaustively: the others were no longer in the mood for jokes.

Create legends about yourself. The gods started with this.

Stanislav Lets

A pack of lions led by a ram may lose to a herd of rams led by a lion.

folk wisdom

Of all abilities, the most difficult and rarest is the ability to manage.

Sommery

If the fool-boss acted smart - do not be surprised. Well, the person who does not happen to was mistaken ...

Try to be reasonable, not rich: wealth can be lost, rationality is always with you.

Aesop

Any instruction that is transmitted by a superior through a subordinate will be understood in the exact opposite sense.

Ilnitsky

The less democracy, the more bosses.

D. Volkogonov

What is "I'm the boss - I'm a fool, you're the boss - you're a fool"?
- Labor collective consisting of one person!

If the boss tells the same jokes year after year, it’s more tactful to laugh in different places.

V. Brudzinsky

The fear of rulers is seldom the fear of their intellect.

W. Schwebel

The most important formula for success is knowing how to deal with people.

Theodore Roosevelt

The rank of the boss is determined by the number of people suffering from his mistakes.

Anyone who pays his employees with peanuts should not be surprised to be surrounded by screaming chimpanzees.

The management structure, in which ten or more direct subordinates close to the leader, is a heart attack.

V. Tereshchenko

A fruitful exchange of views: you come to the boss with your opinion, you leave with his opinion.

Impoliteness between equals is ugly, but on the part of the boss it is tyranny.

Lope de Vega

Three minutes of laughing at the boss replaces quarterly bonus, five minutes of laughter - the 13th salary.

An organization is an elongated shadow of one single person.

Ralph Emerson

It is believed that success comes to those who get up early. No, success comes to those who get up in a good mood.

Marcel Achard

One and only one person should be responsible for each assigned task.

O. Bismarck

Never trust a subordinate who does not find any flaws in his superiors.

D. Collins

The most important thing is to be able to distinguish the important from the urgent.

Evgeny Kashcheev

Our director is a pure baby: what's wrong - immediately scream.

For the boss, there are always only two types former employees: employees who are not capable of anything, and employees who are capable of everything.

He who blames others for his failures, reasoning logically, must also acknowledge their share in his successes.

Howard W. Newton

The boss conceived new idea and this made everyone sick in the morning.

In higher positions, as well as in too high places, people are subject to vertigo.

P. Buast

The desire to command in an area foreign to oneself is tyranny.

S. Dovlatov

The one who does not understand anything can take on anything.

Stanislav Lets

The best leaders are those whose existence the people do not notice.

Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

A friend in power is a lost friend.

Henry Brooks Adams

Each flaw has a first and last name.

S. Ordzhonikidze

Smile - the boss loves idiots.

The person who knows the "how" will always find a job, and the person who knows the "why" will be his boss.

Diana Reivich

A real manager is one who has enough working time to perform all the tasks assigned to him. Lee Iacocca

When persuading, do not use power until you have exhausted all other means.

A monologue is a conversation between a boss and a subordinate.

The boss is like a bad wife - you have to agree with all his stupidity, if only he lags behind.

"Divide and conquer" is a wise rule, but "unite and direct" is even better.

I. Goethe

Bosses often forget that their subordinates are also people and also do not want to think.

L. Lisovsky

The success of a businessman depends 15% on his professional skills and 85% on his ability to communicate with people.

A person should go about his business as if he had nowhere to look for help.

D. Halifax

Do not drink at work, you will become the boss.

Leaders are divided not into young and old, but into smart and fools.

The indispensability of a person is judged by the number of his deputies.

Danil Rudy

The secret of a successful choice of employees is simple - you need to find people who themselves want to do what you would like from them.

G. Selye

Danish proverb

You should refrain from speculating on the stock exchange in two cases: if you do not have funds, and if you have them.

Mark Twain

Subordinates have two vacations, the first is their own, the second is the boss's vacation.

I do not need employees who can only play along. I want everyone to tell me the truth to my face - even if they get fired for it.

An intelligent boss has a deputy who is always smart.

Mikhail Genin

Leading means being able to change style.

A good manager makes people first, and then money.

Leonid S. Sukhorukov

Tell me what you don't know how to do, and I'll think about who to appoint you.

Mikhail Genin

With the end of the year of the goat, luck began to turn away from my boss ......

For subordinates, both dissensions between superiors and their unanimity are equally detrimental.

A person who has not become a boss by the age of 46 will never be useful for anything.

Cyril Parkinson

I consider my most valuable quality to be the ability to arouse enthusiasm in people and develop what is best in a person by recognizing his merits and encouraging him.

Ch. Schweb

The higher you go, the harder it is for others to know if you are doing your job or not.

Allan Cohen

If the director takes the initiative, he thinks about the future. If an employee takes the initiative - about the consequences.

Not to watch the workers is to leave your wallet open to them.

B. Franklin

Imagination: the property of the mind that makes us think that we would be a much better leader than our boss.

To lead people, follow them.

Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

What is the difference between a boss and a sun? The sun has breaks between eclipses.

Only those who know how to command can command.

Apuleius

The boss, on average, is twice as dumb as he seems to himself, and twice as smart as his subordinates seem to be.

"Lieberman's 2nd Law"

A person who knows "how" will always find a job, and a person who knows "why" will be his boss.

Diana Reivich

To bend before the authorities is easy, to straighten up is difficult.

There is no need to look for a path to victory - it is necessary to create such conditions so that all paths lead to it!!!

In my opinion, if the authorities do not harm us, then this is already a considerable blessing.

Pierre Beaumarchais

Chief, remember! White (not tanned) color indicates employees who still want to go on vacation!

A person deprived of the ability to make important decisions begins to consider important any decisions that he can make.

S. Parkinson

There are such people that being under their command is the end ...

It is difficult with three, and when you learn to organize three, then the number does not matter.

Valentin Chernykh, screenwriter of the film "Moscow does not believe in tears"

When I was a switchman, I thought: what a fool the stationmaster is. Then he became the head of the station. If your salary has been reduced, tighten your belt tighter... on the boss's neck!

Aman Tuleev

There were a lot of opinions, only the opinion of the chief turned out to be indisputable.

Do not let those who work for you live too quietly. Don't let them settle down. Always do the opposite of what they expect of you. Let them worry all the time and look over their shoulders.

Henry Ford

While you measure seven times, others will cut off!

Driving is like holding a dove in your hand. Squeeze harder - you kill, loosen your grip - he will fly away.

Tommy LaSorda, American baseball coach

In a born boss, all ailments begin on Friday evening and end on Monday morning.

S. Parkinson

There are no unsolvable problems, there are unpleasant solutions.

E. Born

If today's horoscope promises you new sexual sensations, don't flatter yourself - perhaps your boss will call you...

The master sees more than four servants.

Danish proverb

It is not the one who is right who is right, but the one who has more rights.

There is nothing more difficult, dangerous and uncertain than to lead the introduction of a new order of things, because every innovation has ardent enemies who lived well in the old way, and sluggish supporters who are not sure whether they can live in the new way.

Niccolo Machiavelli

The boss is getting promoted. Looks into his department to say goodbye:
Thanks for everything guys! How will you be here without me? It’s even a pity for you: they will appoint some fool for you instead of me ...
A mournful voice is heard:
- Well, again they will give a fool ...

If you're the boss and you believe your people love you and will never leave you, well, maybe it's a good time to take a look in the mirror.

You can love those whom you order, but you cannot tell them about it.

Don't pretend to be an organizer until you clean up.

Leading is not stopping good people from working.

It seems to be the first person, but what a mug!

Nervous is the one who yells at his boss. The one who yells at his subordinates is a boor.

Respect your subordinates, all bosses have come out of them.

It is bad when mediocre people become immediate bosses.

The director is the same person as everyone else, only he does not know about it.

Who is good in the first role, may be no good in the second.

You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.

The boss is always right, but it is human to err.

“Perhaps I am nothing of myself, but I am a minister.”

"I know that my seven thousand employees are closely watching my every move."

Bureaucratic Trinity. Truth is what the boss thinks (says, believes). The good is what the authorities say to do. Beauty is what bosses like.”

"If you can't measure something, you can't manage it."

“If you can’t solve a problem, start managing it.”

"The angle of view depends on the space occupied."

Moving up the chain of command from the bottom up, the information is distorted.

Power is when you can come to a responsible meeting with a dirty head.

High places make great people more great, and low people more low.

The art of management is not to let people grow old in their position.

Responsible people tend to like to be irresponsible.

In the bath, everyone is equal. The bosses wash in the sauna.

Fools don't translate! If transferred, then with an increase.

The person who knows the "how" will always find a job, and the person who knows the "why" will be his boss.

Subordinate: A person who must speak as briefly as possible.

Imagination: the property of the mind that makes us think that we would be a much better leader than our boss.