If you look around your environment, you will probably find a person who would be defined as “good”. This is a non-conflict person, responsive, always polite and friendly, ready to help and support at any time. And you often want to be the same. Why?

Since childhood, we develop certain behavior patterns that help us adapt to life in society. One of these models is “being good.” It helps you get support and recognition without putting in much effort. Children quickly learn: if you are good, you will receive a gift from your parents, and the teacher will be more favorable to you than to a bully. Over time, this model can become the basis of our entire lives, business and personal relationships. What does this lead to and what problems await a “good” person?

1. You will sacrifice your interests for the sake of others.

Politeness and the desire to avoid conflicts can lead to the fact that at some point we begin to sacrifice our interests for the sake of others. This occurs due to the fear of being rejected (by friends at school, colleagues). It's important for us to feel like we're okay and loved because that's what makes us feel safe.

The desire to please everyone around us forces us to maintain our brand always and everywhere, to be good in a taxi, in a store, in the subway. We automatically want to do something to please the driver, and so we tip more than we should. And we do it completely unexpectedly for ourselves. Or we start entertaining the hairdresser with conversations, instead of just relaxing in the chair. Or we don’t reprimand the manicurist who applied the polish unevenly - this is our favorite salon, why spoil a good impression of yourself?

We harm ourselves by doing things we don't like or by remaining silent when our interests are violated.

As a result, our focus shifts from internal to external: instead of directing resources to work on ourselves, we spend all our efforts on external signs. It is more important to us what they think and say about us, and we do everything in order to be appreciated and approved.

We are no longer even interested in our own well-being: we harm ourselves by doing something we don’t like, or remain silent when our interests are violated. We deny ourselves for the sake of others.

Sometimes this is precisely the reason for a sharp change in mood, when a person in the family who is conflict-free and polite in public becomes a real monster. It’s quite easy to be nice to strangers, but at home we take off our masks and lash out at our loved ones - we scream, swear, and punish our children. After all, the family already loves us and “will not go anywhere,” we can not stand on ceremony, relax and finally become ourselves.

Everyone needs to wean themselves from such behavior - a big boss or a small clerk, a child or a parent. Because it is a matter of balancing our lives, what we ourselves give and receive. And if we don’t respond in kind to our loved ones who give us so much, our life can take a turn: the family will fall apart, friends will turn away.

2. You will become dependent on other people's approval.

This model of behavior forms a painful dependence on the approval of others. From morning to night we need to hear compliments, recognition of talent or beauty. This is the only way we feel confident, inspired, and able to do something. It works like an energy dope. We begin to need it to cover the inner emptiness.

The external becomes important, and internal values, feelings and sensations fade into the background

This pattern leads to a categorical perception of everything that happens to us. A striking example is a person who reacts painfully to any remark, even constructive criticism. In his model any Feedback perceived only by two indicators: “I am good” or “I am bad.” As a result, we cease to distinguish between where is black and where is white, where is truth and where is flattery. It is becoming increasingly difficult for people to communicate with us - because in everyone who does not admire us, we see an “enemy”, and if someone criticizes us, there is only one reason - he is simply jealous.

3. You will waste your energy in vain.

Your friends had a fight and you want to remain on good terms with both of them? It doesn't happen that way. In the words of the poet, “you cannot be with both of them without betraying both.” If you strive to be good in both places, or always take a neutral position, sooner or later this will lead to a feeling of emptiness. And most likely both friends will feel betrayed, and you will lose both.

There is another problem: you try so hard to be useful to others, do so much for them, that at a certain point you begin to demand the same attitude towards yourself. Internal anxiety and resentment appear, and you begin to blame everyone. This addiction works the same way as any other addiction: it leads to destruction. A man loses himself.

The feeling of wasted effort, time, and energy does not leave you. After all, you have spent so much effort, but there are no dividends. And you are bankrupt, energetically and personally. You feel lonely, irritated, and it seems to you that no one understands you. And at some point they really stop understanding you.

You don't have to do anything special to earn the love of your parents, teachers, or classmates.

Of course, everyone wants to be surrounded by " good people" But for real good man- this is not someone who always follows the lead of others and agrees with other people’s opinions in everything. This is someone who knows how to be honest and frank, who is able to be themselves, who is ready to give, but at the same time defend their interests, beliefs and values, while maintaining their dignity.

Such a person is not afraid to show his dark sides and easily accepts the shortcomings of others. He knows how to adequately perceive people, life, and does not demand anything in return for his attention or help. This self-confidence gives him a feeling of success in work and in personal relationships. After all, in fact, you don’t need to do anything special to earn the love of your parents, teachers or classmates. We are already worthy of love, because each of us is already a good person in itself.

about the author

Trainer, psychologist, psychoanalyst. Her website.

Many people give in to people because they are afraid of upsetting them, sacrifice their interests in order to make someone else happy, and then stumble upon the absence of the slightest hint of gratitude. Such people can be called “approval seekers.” Such a person will undoubtedly agree that she does not get from life what she would like. A person must understand that it is necessary to stop being good to everyone.

How to get rid of the desire to please everyone

1. 1. If you are one of these people, think about the last five times you felt compelled to do or say something to gain the approval of others. Write down these cases on paper, and then record how you would behave based on your own desires, and not out of a desire to please someone. Then think about what bad things you could get from such actions and write down your worst expectations.
   2. Carefully analyze all of your recorded concerns and answer honestly whether the consequences of expressing your own position are really that dire. Decide for yourself whether this or that outcome would be completely catastrophic for you, whether it is so scary not to please someone or to break off contacts with some person. Remember that all your fears are the bars of a prison cell in which you have imprisoned yourself. The time has come to completely free ourselves from this extra burden of prejudice. See how others react to what you tell them about the right to have own position. They may be used to you agreeing with everything and not showing any signs of individuality. Evaluate whether it is really worth communicating with people who ignore your interests, putting only their own in the foreground.

1. Carefully analyze the boundaries that you have set for yourself, and also compare them with those that you allow others to have. Think carefully about what behavior you consider acceptable and what you do not. You should not be tolerant of the intolerant and perceive abnormality as a completely established norm. Think about whether you know how you feel when people treat you with respect. Be clear about what behavior you consider acceptable and what is not, and form boundaries in your head that set your limits of what is acceptable.
2. The source needs to be identified. Many approval seekers grew up in social conditions in which their opinions mattered little and were completely ignored. Were you constantly expected to anticipate other people's needs and adjust your behavior accordingly? Do you believe that the only way to gain approval is to fulfill other people's wishes? If you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions, you need to understand one simple truth: not everyone likes weaklings. People, understanding who you really are, will be able easy to manipulate you. By hiding behind other people's expectations and plans, you are unlikely to be able to realize your personal potential.
3. No need to build a foundation your self-esteem on what you do for other people. Mutual assistance is a very noble component of a relationship, but you should not do something that you do only with the goal of pleasing someone. Be open and independent in your decision to help someone. Remember that the most valued actions are those that were based on your own desire, and not on guilt or fear. Always keep in mind the idea of ​​the sincerity of your actions, because what you do just to get encouragement is not so. Yes, you yourself would hardly want to be helped on such unnatural principles. It is unwise to help others out at the expense of your own basic interests. Remember that you cannot be good to everyone. Therefore, you need to get rid of the desire to please everyone as quickly as possible.
4. You must learn to how to say no. You shouldn't make excuses for why you refuse something. Express your position clearly and firmly to the person asking. If your husband wants to invite a large crowd of relatives to Christmas dinner, you can gently refuse him this idea, arguing that you cannot entertain such a thing. a large number of of people. If your friends invite you to a party where people you can’t stand will be present, you should answer with a polite “no,” explaining that such events are not for you. Choose arguments that are not very important. Just say “no” and watch the person's reaction. In most cases, you will find that nothing bad happens. No one gets offended, and those who do are simply not worthy of you pleasing.
5. Ask for what you want. For example, if you are going to the movies with friends and most of you are planning to watch a movie that you are not particularly interested in, state this loud and clear. It’s worth once again reminding those around you that you are an individual. By expressing your opinion, you are not making selfish demands at all. Don't be afraid to ask people for things. If you feel like you're doing too much for others, it may be because you're simply not communicating your needs to those around you. There is no need to force people to guess the answer themselves. Just say what you want and see how things unfold.
6. Try doing something for yourself. Something you have never done and were worried about how your friends and acquaintances would react to it. Change your image, go to a new place for a party. Do everything based on your needs, without regard to what others think about it. Don't fall into the trap of having to do what is expected of you rather than what you want. Remember that there are a whole bunch of things that you would like to do even despite the negative reaction of others. Of course, you shouldn't completely ignore the people you come into contact with, but you shouldn't rely on their opinions as the determining factor.
7. Look for a compromise. Being impudent is just as unacceptable as being a “rag.” Remember about self-respect, but do not become an outright egoist. Practice healthy confidence and self-care. You can listen to others, but at the same time understand that everything you do is solely your personal decision. In some cases, the needs of other people may become paramount. If a conflict of interest arises, the most the right decision there will be a search for consensus or, even better, the formation of a mutually beneficial way out of the current situation.

Adviсe:

There are several indications that you have an excessive desire to please everyone:

• Are you aggressive or, conversely, passive for no apparent reason;
• You rarely look happy;
• You suppress or are suppressed;
• You live in a constant rush, again, for no apparent reason.

The world will not change if you fail to please anyone. There is always the opportunity to find new friends. If your so-called “friend” stopped communicating with you because you did not please him, then you can be sure that he was not such at all. However, it is worth keeping the door open in case your friend comes to his senses and admits his mistake.

Warnings:

It will be difficult for many people to immediately get used to the “new” you. Be gentle with them and don't apologize for your new self.

Some people may absolutely refuse to accept you as such. There is no need to make excuses to them. Often their negativity is directed not at you, but at themselves. People can, just like you before, give up their desires because they think it will be better. Over time, they will get rid of their fear of change, and you can calm them down for now.

Some of your actions may have a negative impact on your relationships at work. Think carefully about what you are going to do so as not to stumble upon conflicts and showdowns. In most cases refuse the boss means signing yourself a dismissal order. Don't change your appearance suddenly or dramatically, especially if you have to go to a financial institution to get a loan.

Your desire to change should not be an accusation against other people. Remember that the wind of change came into your head, and not into someone else’s.

Remember that in order to understand your own desires it also takes constant practice and time. If your husband offers to buy you hamburgers for lunch and you agree, then your desire for lunch may therefore be imaginary. Perhaps you've simply never been involved in food choices. Think about what you would taste if you were yourself. Bring a fresh idea to your spouse. There is no need to worry about the appropriateness of a particular proposal.

Remember that the desire to please everyone often runs into deliberate manipulation you. Therefore, it is very important to get rid of the desire to be good for everyone in order for you to have a lasting protection against manipulation.

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Why does a person need other people? After all, is it really impossible to live somewhere far, far away, for example, on a desert island? How great it would be: no one would annoy you with their claims, no one would squeal in your ear, no one would pester you with stupid problems, no one would interfere with living the life you want. There would be no need to bend over backwards for anyone, there would be no need to wear masks for anyone. But a skeptic will note that this is impossible: one cannot survive on a desert island; a person needs other people to jointly obtain food and warmth. Therefore, you have to live and only dream about possible loneliness. But isn’t it possible today to live in society and outside it at the same time? That is, consume everything that society provides, but have very little contact with annoying people. Answer: yes! Today this has finally become possible. And now, more than ever, the same question arises: why then does a person need other people at all? What is the design and purpose of creating many different people?

Why did people need other people in past times? And what has changed today?
How can one determine his psychological health and fulfillment in life based on a person’s attitude towards other people?

The statement that a person needs another person is accepted in society as an axiom. And we learn about this at a very early age. Already in kindergarten and at school we are taught to live in a team, pushed towards friendship and mutual respect. We are given one task per class, we are put in pairs in physical education, and group parties are organized for us. It’s the same at home: any child knows his dependence on his parents, on his brothers and sisters, from whom he cannot escape, and he has to share everything in the world with them. We grow up and learn that all the rules of human society, for example politics, economics, law, are the regulation of relationships between people. That is, everywhere and everywhere we see that a person needs other people.

On the other hand, it is obvious that we cannot stand some people, we only tolerate others, we have nothing in common with others, and only a small fraction of the total number of people is close to us - this is a limited circle of friends, relatives and colleagues. And there are those who don’t even have this circle. Like, for example, Dmitry Vinogradov, who wrote his manifesto of hatred, where he expressed his dislike for all humanity.

Strangers hurt us, bring us suffering - why are they even needed? Why was such a life created where we have to interact with people who cause nothing but hatred and rejection? Why does a person need other people with whom conflicts and quarrels arise?

And the question arises: what is the meaning of a person’s relationships with other people, especially unpleasant ones? Of course, earlier, in past centuries, we were highly dependent on each other, and a person could not survive on his own, alone - he had to endure other people, in hunting and in war. But today everything is different. Isn't it modern science and technology does not allow us to reduce the dependence of man on man, and therefore allow us to have less contact with others? Why does one person need another today? Maybe it's time to break the shackles and finally start living happily alone?

Why does a person really need another person?

Yes, in fact, throughout the history of mankind, one person depended on society in the literal sense of the word. Why did a person need another person? Just for survival: only in a pack, in society, could he provide himself with protection and food. In addition, the smarter and stronger people also exploited those who were weaker - through slavery, for example.

Today everything is different: we really can live without others. Or rather, we can live our lives fully present in society, but completely separated from it. There is no need to go to the store and wait in boring queues that are annoying - the courier will bring the goods and leave them near the door. There is no need to go to the library and sit in the common room, leafing through a book someone has read - any knowledge can be obtained remotely. There is no need to visit the office and communicate with unpleasant colleagues - the work can be submitted virtually, and you can receive money on the card. Even to give birth to a child, a woman can no longer get married, but simply go to a donation center and receive fertilization without the participation of a man. No, contacts, of course, are preserved - we have to go to the dentist in person, but they are very superficial and no longer mean anything.

And today the question “Why does a person need another person?” takes on a new color. Indeed, what do a person’s relationships with other people give? And for the first time in the history of mankind, we can actually give the correct answer to this question. And we can do this precisely because we have gotten rid of the direct dependence of man on man at the animal level.

It is now becoming obvious that a person needs other people for more than just getting food or providing various services to each other. A person’s relationships with other people are entering a new incredible stage: this is mutual understanding and mutual inclusion in society. Simply put, we need other people to provide us with joy and happiness. There are already guesses that this is exactly what will happen in the future, because we are already striving for this. Men and women want to create couples not just to procreate, but to love and be loved, to experience pleasure during sex and simply spending time together, to dissolve in each other.

We read with admiration stories about people who do not just go to work for a salary, but want a little more - to create a common brainchild that is necessary and useful to the common, burn with all their hearts about it and give all of themselves for the good of the common. And so on at all levels.

We have a presentiment that it is in other people that real happiness and joy are hidden. But, unfortunately, today the majority cannot do this and people bring each other more suffering than in any past era. That’s why there is a feeling of alienation, a desire to get away from everyone, to huddle on a desert island and be alone. But this is the wrong path, because it is modern man who, more than ever, is dependent on another person. Without contact with other people, our contemporary simply cannot build a normal life.

Reasons for hatred and hostility

There is no peace under the olive trees, there is not only good things on the path of life. The history of mankind tells us that we achieve everything in the world through effort. It’s the same here: to live happily, you need to go through fire, water and copper pipes. Today, this is exactly the way we are heading into the future: we want a lot, but we can’t do it. As a result, we suffer and are torn from hatred and hostility. And all because most people still do not have a special tool with which we could understand the real connection between people. The desire is there, the conditions have been created, but the method of achieving it is unknown. That’s why we look for it: in horoscopes, with fortune tellers and clairvoyants, in various psychological tests. We guess on the coffee grounds and look with lust at the stars: how to achieve happiness, how to make sure not to suffer?

Today we are particularly alienated from each other. But, as they say, from hatred to love there is only one step. And we still have no idea how many stunning discoveries and incredible new lives lie ahead of us.

The world was created ideal, so all our desires are initially provided. Ancient man was provided with a mammoth, then with iron, and then, until today, with everything he needed. And today we are already provided not only with food and tools, but also with knowledge - we are already provided with the desire to know ourselves and others, to understand what the meaning of a person’s real relationships with other people is. This knowledge came to us through the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. It is this science that allows absolutely every person to understand why a person needs other people, to ultimately find his place in society, create an ideal couple, raise happy children, enjoy self-realization, and truly love life.

Any working person can say that many times they are faced with an unknown task at work, when they had to learn something new in order to complete and implement it. After all, our world does not stand still and development, both technological and informational, occurs constantly. In this regard, we must keep up with the times in order to keep up with it.

A mandatory condition of our time - to grow in your society and succeed in your business or work, you need to constantly develop, learn something new and unknown. But the trouble is that we constantly do not have enough time, the very time with which we are supposed to keep up. There’s not enough, even for the most important and serious things, so where does the desire for such nonsense as constant study come from? Or maybe this is where our problem lies, that we consider the process of development and self-improvement insignificant? I fell behind the progress - I didn’t master the computer - I didn’t have time to finish the report at work - I arrived home late - I only had time to go to bed. And tomorrow everything will start again. Perhaps, in order to be on time everywhere and always, you need to change your attitude towards studying.

Time is a very touchy entity, at first we kill it, then it kills us, and somewhere in the middle, we simply sorely lack it, but it flies and does not want to stop, you might be interested to know:

There are many reasons that will not allow us to stop learning, and we will improve constantly. Let's think a little about what else is worth constantly studying.

Five reasons that will not let you stop learning

1. You must always strive to be the best, the first in your business.

To stay afloat and not let your business or idea wither, you need to constantly be informed by new ideas for development in this direction. To avoid being replaced by competitors, you need to be a leader in your field, for this you need to know a lot and be able to apply it in practice. This is why after 1-2 years of inactivity, a specialist loses his value.

2. Always do something a little better than you could and it will be rewarded.

You need to put in more effort than usual to be successful. This is the law successful people They don't sit idly by, these people constantly take risks, are not afraid and welcome new challenges. Solving these problems along the way becomes a constant practice in their lives. People achieve heights in life only when they are not afraid to overcome themselves, their fears, and do a little more than they would like, to put in more effort.

However, in order not to be afraid of difficulties and obstacles, you must have an idea of ​​the result. Imagine and know what will happen ahead, and to help yourself with this you always need knowledge. Therefore, having prepared for your magnificent step, having studied and understood what result you will come to, you can confidently step forward.

Be sure to read the following articles about how to achieve your goal, because you need to not only get yourself into trouble, but also correctly recognize your desires and achieve them:

3. Be a healthy long-liver

Various studies around the world have shown that if a person is constantly engaged in active mental activity, then this becomes a key factor on the path to a long and healthy life. Scientists have also proven that people who have active brain activity suffer much less from memory loss or from Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s diseases. An example of people with such activity are theater workers - actors, actresses. They constantly learn the most difficult texts for their performances. And until old age they can work on their favorite stage, and their mind remains bright and clear.

You need to understand for yourself that only by making an effort and devoting some time from absolutely every day to development, you can achieve results. If acting is not for you, then you can, for example, learn any foreign language, which will always come in handy on your journey to your long and healthy life.

Personal health can be divided into physical health and spiritual health, but do not forget about the ancient wisdom: “a healthy mind in a healthy body,” so always pay attention to both aspects:

4. Be happy and enjoy knowledge

This is also an important reason not to stop and follow the path of knowledge forward on the path to your development. After all, any business that a person does must bring results, and from what it will be, it will become clear whether the acquired knowledge helped or not.

If the result exceeds all expectations, isn’t that happiness? After all, if you were able to learn a foreign language and speak it while traveling, wouldn’t you enjoy it? You need to remember about yourself and be happy every day.

Knowledge is needed to remain happy, to love yourself, your life, everything that surrounds us. When there is no knowledge, no understanding, lack of understanding creates fear. Start with self-love, but not selfishness, but respect and love:

5. Will increase self-esteem significantly

Self-education and training in different directions will give you confidence in any case. After all, our chain - which begins with training, then works on the basis of the acquired knowledge, and in the end a good result - will give not only great mood, but we will also be able to rise in the eyes of not only ourselves, but also the people around us. These will be not only colleagues and friends, but first of all the people closest to you who will always support and help in any endeavor.

Knowledge is the road to the world of discovery

It is clear that we cannot know everything, but there is never a limit to perfection. After all, knowledge reveals to us amazing world, the world in which we live. Knowledge allows you to see all its splendor. There is a very good and well-known proverb: “Learning is light, but ignorance is darkness.” Let us not plunge into the darkness of the heresy of ignorance, let us remain in the rays of light all our lives, because if we only stop for a moment, the cold hands of illiteracy will drag us to the bottom.

What masks do you wear during the day? How do you feel when you are alone with your thoughts? Compare these states and evaluate how different they are. Do you often experience weakness or loss of strength after communicating with unfamiliar people? Do you want to physically relax at home after sedentary work in the office?

These questions will help you see your habit of trying to look good.
I will not now develop the topic where it came from - as a rule, the reason is in child-parent relationships, the conventions of parental (teacher, friendly, etc.) love. And, by and large, now that it has already sprouted and taken root, there is little point in knowing what was the reason.
We exist today and there is our habit of trying to seem good, and we need to work with it.

Very close to the theme of “goodness” is vanity - the exaltation of one’s merits and the need for their confirmation by others. Opinions differ; some believe that vanity is based on low self-esteem, while others believe it is excessively high. I won’t use this term, because I don’t think at all that you need to evaluate yourself in any way. Read more about this -.

When we love ourselves little, we experience a lack of faith in our abilities. This creates a need for support and encouragement from the outside, i.e. dependence on other people arises. To receive this support and subsequent praise for our successes, we must be “good”, i.e. stop being ourselves (this is why we don’t love ourselves enough - because we consider ourselves not quite good, not quite worthy). From this state it is very easy to overcome the line between self-humiliation and exaltation. We look appraisingly at everyone around us and see with whom we can amuse our vanity, who will be generous with praise and support. That is why next to spiritually generous people there are always many vain and complex people. This is their place in the sun, they bask there and receive at least some love.

From the state of “being good” we lose spirituality, the ability to do good, we begin to do something just to receive praise. We forget about our true essence, and please people, worship their opinion of ourselves, as if we did not create it ourselves.

Nietzsche considered vanity an atavism, a slave psychology. A person dependent on someone else’s opinion first waits to see what they will think or say about him, then subconsciously submits to this opinion. He becomes dependent equally on both good and bad opinions about himself.
Those around them sense a catch and do not get close to such a person, i.e. deep down he is lonely. Feels that he is underestimated and looks for those to blame.

A harmful and very energy-consuming state that deprives us of joy, pleasure from what we do, from life in general. The result is boredom, doom and loss.
Those. paradox - a person urgently needs the help of others, but he himself does not want to give anything “just like that.” Everything he does, seemingly for others, is not a goal, but a means of receiving love, recognition, approval, etc.

It is impossible to give kindness, warmth, love, recognition to someone without being filled with it. From a state of insufficient self-love, it cannot be otherwise. Therefore, if now you see any of the above in yourself, and are ready to judge and reproach yourself, stop. Accept everything as it comes. Yes, today I want to seem good, I want to receive, not give, that’s true. And I allow myself this, because I simply cannot do otherwise.

The internal emotional vessel can be corrected. If there is too much negative and not enough positive, the ratio can be changed. As you develop self-love, your behavior will automatically begin to change - why? seem someone good when they can be? Why seek someone else's praise when there is knowledge inside - I did it well. In direct proportion to the development of self-love, self-confidence also grows - I am valuable and important person. What I can do is valuable and important for the world. From this state it is easy to be generous, easy to give, useful, build relationships, love, rejoice, accept criticism, live easily, everything is easy). We are engaged in the awakening and development of self-love in, check out the training options.

And here’s something else I wanted to say. The main problems arise when a person is close to the idea of ​​inequality. Evaluation and comparison begin, there will always be someone more successful, more beautiful, more talented, etc. Or, on the contrary, it will turn out that you are more beautiful, more successful, more talented than others. Both lead to a state of unhappiness. It is important to get away from everything that does not lead to the joy of life. A simple “cure” here can be thinking that living according to the laws of the Universe is normal. It’s okay to do good, it’s okay to love people, it’s okay to love yourself. To be smart, stupid, beautiful, ugly, talented, undeveloped, etc. - Fine. Any of the qualities does not require approval. What kind of vanity can we talk about if we look at life from this side? We have some virtues, others have others, and this is also normal. If you remove evaluativeness, then hidden comparisons will go away - who is better, who is worse, which means that there will be no need to then take the position of being humiliated, or to exalt yourself over people.

Everything simply is. I have my advantages and disadvantages. Today it is like that. It is in my power to make tomorrow different. What can I do for this today?
And no reflection and regrets, no comparisons, you yourself are the measure of everything, the advantages and disadvantages of others are for reference, so that it is clear how it can be, and how you exactly want or don’t want. That's all.

Give up “niceness” today, and you will be surprised how much time and energy you have at your disposal. When one door closes, others immediately open. Follow your desires and needs, leave other people's goals, they are not yours. Let self-love enter your life.

With love,
Yulia Solomonova