About a certain Alexander. He has a wonderful house on the banks of a picturesque river. Next to the house is a garage, where a boat for skiing and water skiing is always ready. He lives in this house, and there is also an apartment on the seashore several hundred kilometers away, where Alexander goes to rest on weekends and holidays. There is also a bunch of other real estate and his favorite - an ocean yacht. Twice a year, our hero goes abroad to solve his commercial affairs and at the same time relax. He goes to work three times a week, spends his free time doing what he likes and ... Alexander lives in hopeless longing. True, there is one BUT in this story ...

Elena: We deliberately stopped the story to give each reader the opportunity to observe their own reaction. What thoughts did you have when you got to the word "BUT"? Maybe you caught yourself thinking that this man is unhappy because of his incurable illness or the absence of a loved one, family, children, friends. It is possible that he has paid too high a price for the current way of life, and therefore he is tormented by remorse and suffers greatly. Are there any other options?

Now back to BUT. In this story, all the facts are true, except for one. In fact, the young millionaire is very happy! And we misled you, dear readers of the blog "", in order to convey one very valuable idea. We found it in a book Andrew Matthews "Happiness in Hard Times". It sounds something like this: “To become wealthy, happy, one must sincerely rejoice in someone else’s happiness, wealth, and. The way of thinking that just told you that all rich people are bastards, fools, idiots will never let you personally get out of poverty, problems and failures. Because subconsciously you yourself forbid yourself to become an inveterate scoundrel and idiot.

Albert: By the way, the yellow press constantly exaggerates similar stories about unfortunate celebrities under the general heading “There is no greater happiness than seeing a millionaire unhappy!” Someone has earned a lot of money, but could not keep his love. Another ranked first in the list of the most influential people on the planet, but is dying of an incurable disease. When at every step you see confirmation that the rich also cry, it is not difficult to come to the conclusion that money is not a couple of happiness. The conclusion, however, will be subconscious, but it keeps us at the level of poverty no worse than fetters. The truth is that rich people very often live in love and. And we, in order to, first of all, must learn to enjoy the happiness of others.

P.S. If you are interested in the topic, and learn to enjoy the happiness of others, go to the section "".

The path of many people is far from the one that allows you to live a balanced life.
As a result, everything is always wrong. And other people's failures are always joy for many.
Because that way they feel less deprived of fate.
What to say about other people's joys? Yes, many people break their teeth, clenching their jaws in impotent rage and envy.
Although they say that in order to live longer, you need to rejoice in other people's successes.
Here is the advice on this occasion: rejoicing in other people's successes, try not to grind your teeth.

Why, very often, we do not know how, do not want to rejoice sincerely at someone else's happiness, success, good luck?
Or "Russian envy moves the state!" (movie "Siberian Barber"), or is envy always stronger than other emotions and feelings?

“O pale envy, with clawed hands!” Beaumarchais wrote about envy in this way.
Perhaps there is no person who at least once in his life would not encounter envy.
They envy us, we envy ourselves. Where does this destructive and all-consuming feeling come from?
Anything can be the object of envy - a renovation in a neighbor's apartment, a successful marriage of a girlfriend, a former classmate's villa located in a picturesque place on the Cote d'Azur of France, beauty, youth, health, wealth, even a new colleague's dress.

There is always a reason for envy if a person constantly compares himself with other people. We are taught to compare ourselves to others early childhood- at school and at the institute, excellent students and activists are always set as an example, demanding to be equal to them. In adult life, our success at work and material wealth also depend on how much we are better than others. Moreover, it is very profitable for corporations to focus on comparing employees: work like Kurochkin, and you will also have a Mercedes and vacation in Florida! And in principle, such a comparison gives rise to healthy competition, which forces us to gather all our strengths and abilities and achieve the desired result for ourselves. But envy, unlike competition, has the opposite effect - a person either complains about fate and hates people who have achieved success, without taking any action to change their lives, or actively wants to take away what these very lucky people have. Unfortunately, even such active envy is not constructive, because the envious person himself begins to live with other people's goals, watching the fruits of other people's successes and wanting to get them. And thus, his own life passes by. When we compare ourselves to others, we mainly pay attention to the attractive external side. For example, a woman, envying her friend's beauty, completely loses sight of the fact that her friend spends a lot of time keeping herself in shape, goes to the gym, and has called her many times with her. And if at work someone gets a promotion, the thought of which only supported the flame of life in the hearts of other colleagues, then the first thing everyone experiences is disappointment and envy: he doesn’t deserve it, but some people know how to suck up to the authorities! And they completely lose sight of the fact that it was this person who offered the management the most interesting and promising ideas, and most importantly, brought them to life, at a time when others discussed in the smoking room the features of the boss's nasty character.

Unfortunately, jealousy is very difficult to get rid of. It never ends, like water in the ocean. Because always, no matter how outstanding success you achieve in life, there will always be someone who is better, younger, more beautiful than you. Therefore, the first rule successful person: envy yourself. You are the only reason for what happens to you. Get into the habit of comparing yourself to … yourself. Set goals you want to achieve and work towards them. And then compare: what success have you achieved compared to last year? How close are you to your goals? Have you achieved everything? Great! Then go ahead, compete with yourself - set new goals and achieve them, be sure to celebrate all your successes. By the way, very good way start a journal of your own success in which you can record all your victories.

Very often, envy is facilitated by the absence of one's own goals and a real plan for achieving them. Then your life seems boring and insipid, that's the thing with others! Here, for example, is why your girlfriend has such an interesting life, even though she has been married for more than a year, and you hang yourself from longing, if you have quite happy family? Because nothing happens just like that, and if you figure it out, a friend is a very enthusiastic person, she always comes up with something, finds interesting places, events, plans, organizes, implements. Therefore, rule two: fill your life with meaning. Set your own goals and achieve them. Think about how you really want to live in order to feel happy. And then develop a plan and act. When life is varied and interesting, there is no room for envy at all.

Agree, it’s not very pleasant to communicate with people you envy? Because in response to their stories, all sorts of barbs come into my head: “this is your new job, maybe big salary, but for sure, the boss is a complete idiot", or "you are unlikely to cope with the duties", or bitterly tell a friend that her new rich and handsome fan probably married or gay ... In general, do something to compensate for your moral damage from someone else's happiness. Indeed, most people prefer to communicate minimally with those they envy. But in vain. Of course, if you communicate only with losers, against their background you can feel like an unattainable ideal. But, as you know, we are greatly influenced by the environment in which we live. Success attracts success, and failure attracts failure. Therefore, it is more profitable for ourselves to communicate with as many successful people as possible. Hence the third rule: rejoice in someone else's success, communicate with successful people. Direct your jealousy in a constructive direction. For example, instead of being angry, find out how these people managed to achieve success? What did they do for this? You can get mass useful information and advice. And if you use them, then soon you yourself can become the object of envy.

And then another question will already worry you: what to do if they envy you?
As practice shows, it is better not to communicate with such people. And if this does not work out, then try not to talk about your successes, because you know what a blow you are inflicting on the jealousy's pride, so do not provoke him. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to help an envious person. Even if you give him helpful tips offer practical help, you will only arouse an even stronger wave of envy and hatred.

And how do you usually react to other people's successes? We have the right to count only on the attitude that we deserve - this is a common truth.

The post can be considered a sociological survey, exclusively within the framework of the "City of Tomsk"

Envy can poison life, because at every step there are happier, more successful, richer, more beautiful, younger people... Anything can be an object of envy. Comparing himself to others, the envious always experiences an oppressive feeling of his own inferiority.

How hard it is for someone who cannot sleep, knowing that someone lives much better than him! Envy is a certain sadness about the elementary success of acquaintances and just surrounding people.

Indeed, someone else's success and happiness makes many people feel a sharp lack of their own. This feeling is literally depressing, sometimes it just gnaws non-stop, torments and makes you feel like a deeply unhappy person.

As soon as it occurs to a person to compare himself, his achievements and successes with others, envy immediately appears, which really turns his life upside down: sleep disappears, disappears somewhere for a long time good mood, and as a result, a person plunges into the deepest stress.

If envy is a constant companion in the life of some people, then they sometimes do not even remember their own merits and achievements, because their thoughts are occupied with serious thoughts about the success and luck of others.

In addition, envious people do not look at life with a clear look, and their eyes are as if covered with a veil, so they do not notice reality, and this leads to the fact that it seems to them that compared to other people, they are generally complete losers!

1. Learn to control your own thoughts

This is really important, because when the first signs appear that envy begins to penetrate your soul, you need to try to figure out where the roots of this feeling grow from.

Try to figure out what you really want. If the object of your envy is some material thing or some character trait, or something else, then try to switch your thoughts to how you can get it yourself or achieve something.

Perhaps you need to develop some of your own qualities in order to seriously increase the productivity of your work. If the feeling is so overly destructive for you that you already almost wish that that other person would even lose something, find the strength in yourself to stop your stream of thought and ask yourself a direct question: “Why think about this, why relive this again and experience negative emotions, thereby depriving your own life of bright colors? Why do I need it?"

2. The best distraction is to get busy

Ordinary daily activities will help you get distracted from the thoughts that disturb you and stop feeling envy, you just need to seriously focus on them. Try to get rid of the habit of constantly comparing yourself with someone, constantly thinking about the successes and virtues of other people, because the foundation of any envy is a constant endless process of comparing yourself with others.

Switch your thoughts in a more positive direction - think exclusively about yourself, your own self-worth and your uniqueness. In addition, thoughts about how to become a better master of your craft are extremely positive. Wise people they believe that the person who absolutely sincerely loves his work and devotes himself to it, does not experience the pangs of envy.

3. Monitor your progress

Look at them in general. As soon as your bright head is visited by the thought that someone has something extraordinary that you do not have, then immediately switch your thought processes to your own successes and achievements. You will definitely find something that the other person does not have and never had.

Learn to enjoy the simplest things, and finally understand that everyone has certain strengths or weak sides, including you personally, and the subject of your negative feelings.

And to better understand yourself, just write down all your even small achievements on a piece of paper in the form of a large list. Remember absolutely everything, and you will definitely see that, in fact, you have much more than you could even imagine. And if something doesn’t quite suit you, then this is another reason to work on yourself.

4. Turn on the mind

If you can honestly admit to yourself that you are jealous of someone, you are a really smart person, and if you try to do at least something to get rid of this unproductive feeling, then you are not only smart, but really wise. And, despite the fact that our life is a kind of game ahead of the curve, but not everyone will get the main prize.

That is why the well-known Olympic principle that it is not the victory itself that is important, but participation, acquires an even deeper meaning here. In other words, live your own life the way you can, try to always be yourself, and let others live their lives. As soon as you realize this, universal peace will firmly settle in your soul, which cannot be bought even for the biggest money!

5. Find inspiration

Are there people in your environment who sincerely rejoice at your achievements and even the smallest successes? Appreciate them and let them be your personal source of inspiration.

6. Learn to do small things for others with absolute sincerity and from the bottom of your heart.

If any particular person is the source of your envy, then do something kind and very pleasant to him. Give a gift, help in something, just do a good deed.

You will notice that after that the person became joyful and happy, and you, seeing his good mood, suddenly realize that you are directly related to his happiness, then envy in your soul will be replaced by a great feeling of joy.

7. Get rid of envy will help mental self-regulation

Sometimes attacks of envy are unexpected and very powerful. In this case, the method of mental self-regulation will definitely help you. You just need to find a quiet and relatively comfortable place where you can be alone with yourself, close your eyes and completely relax.

Try to restore before your eyes such a picture where you felt true comfort and tranquility: a grandmother's house in the village, a seashore, a vacation in a forest clearing, in the mountains, or another place dear to your heart. Enjoy these positive emotions and hold them for such a long time until you have a feeling of complete confidence that everything is fine with you and there will still be a huge amount of such sensations in your life.

What to do if they envy you

It is hard to live not only with your own envy, but also with someone else's, directed specifically at you. In this case, some basic protection against envious people will definitely help you.

1. Keep all your successes and achievements to yourself and do not share them with people who have been noticed in the manifestation of such a feeling.
2. The negative feelings of envious people can disarm requests for help or just advice.
3. Try to complain about your "serious" problems to such people. Let them know that you have not only success, that you a common person with a host of other manifestations of life.
4. If you are faced with outright envy, then avoid rude clarification of any relationship - this will significantly aggravate the current situation, but it will definitely not help the case. It is much more useful not to make contact with such a person, but it is better to move away from him at a great distance.

By letting envy into your life and allowing it to unfold widely in your soul, as a result of such a symbiosis, you receive extremely destructive negative emotions that become a source of serious mistakes and problems.

And only you can get rid of these unproductive emotions: you don’t need to be an envious observer of the lives of strangers, but, on the contrary, you need to learn to thank life for what you already have - relatives, friends, work, health and little joys in life . Drive away envy from your life, and appreciate your own place on this Earth.

The wise Solomon called envy "rotten bones"

She is dangerous, unpredictable and treacherous. It spoils the appetite and provokes insomnia, occupies our thoughts and controls our mood. It can poison life and even drive you crazy.

It can be yellow like bile or black like a thundercloud. Sometimes it turns bright red, like blood. But we bet it's never white? Although many of us are convinced otherwise. The Russian language even has a corresponding expression that determines the degree of our “joy” about the success of another person.

On one "beautiful" day, she is born. First, a kind of tiny ugly worm appears. For example, at the moment when a former classmate, a chronic C student, flies past your bus stop in a cool car, spattering your cheap jeans “out of old friendship”. Later, a nagging feeling of annoyance and dissatisfaction arises, because deep down you were sure that he, at best, works as an ordinary locksmith in some seedy firm. During the day, the good mood disappears in proportion to the speed of his car, and the little worm turns into a toothy monster that starts to gnaw at you from the inside.

By evening, you have to urgently look for a sedative and convince yourself with tears in your eyes that, of course, such an expensive car cannot be purchased for honestly earned money, and, undoubtedly, the former three-year-old will go to jail someday and that’s what he needs! Having lulled your rebellious soul with sweet dreams of just retribution, you finally fall asleep.

Perhaps this is not the most good example. But, to be honest, how many of these monsters sometimes brazenly and freely feed on our nerves and emotions for years!

Where do these low essences of human nature come from?

It is likely that we owe their appearance not least to the bad habit of comparing ourselves with others. She has a prettier figure. He has a better apartment. And someone else is doing so well and smoothly that when you remember it, you just don’t want to live.

And the torment of "white envy" begins. This slippery expression implies seemingly good feelings, but, whatever one may say, envy is selfish and does not know how to rejoice in someone else's happiness. Wise Solomon called it "rotten bones", and even the Lord Himself saw fit to warn His people in the 10th commandment.

Envy is, first of all, the desire for profit for oneself, and dark sides of our beloved “I” are revealed in non-standard everyday situations, unmistakably revealing our true values ​​and desires.

Like any other evil, envy can be “sick”. Unfortunately, not many people have the courage to analyze their feelings and make the correct "diagnosis". It must be almost impossible to admit that you are not as good and noble as you thought you were until your neighbor won a million in the lottery. And your sympathy for this person in an incomprehensible way is transformed into hostility or even hatred. And you are desperately trying to figure out why your usually even and friendly character has changed so much.

But the answer is simple: an individual just needs to feel significant among other people. And it is quite difficult to come to terms with the fact that not everyone manages to become famous, rich or just happy. And if this “not everyone” turns out to be you, there is a certainty that you were underestimated, cheated, bypassed, although, undoubtedly, you deserve much better. However, this is again a dead end. After all, man is inherently insatiable, and even those who have a lot will still crave more. The truth is, no matter how you spin it, you won't always have something that others have. And therefore the gluttonous monster of envy cannot be satisfied. But to renounce and hide from him is also not worth it. The only right way out is to deal with it.

Of course, it's not easy to be happy for a lucky classmate when the evil being inside you wants him to crash his car on the first turn.

But perhaps those who want to fight their monsters will be inspired by the fact that, according to scientists, the stock of human love and gratitude is still greater than the stock of hatred. And psychologists say that a mature and highly developed personality is able to control its dark desires, even if circumstances push it to low deeds.

“Where there is envy and quarrelsomeness, there is disorder and all evil.” Perhaps we should not neglect the biblical warnings. Why try on someone else's life, voluntarily surrendering to the slavery of anger and dissatisfaction? Indeed, the majestic calmness of wisdom lies precisely in the fact that it does not pursue the vain priorities of this world, but with gratitude knows how to be content with little.

And then, is it really so important who we are in the eyes of millions of other people, if for the Creator of the Universe you, as you are, are so beautiful and precious that He considered you worthy to inherit His eternal Kingdom?!

And He will help you get rid of any “diseases”, teaching you to love with that high and immortal love, which “does not envy, ... does not exalt itself, does not pride itself, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own.”

Fortunately, good conquers evil not only in fairy tales. And if life is filled with light, real and beautiful, neither envy, nor self-interest, and no other “monster” can encroach on the stronghold of your peace.

Unless, of course, you choose freedom. When luck does not smile at you.